Swag rag

I absolutely detest douchebag fans. Every last one of them. The ones that will wear a Michigan jersey to a Florida-Florida state game just because. 

I recently met one at an IU-Michigan State football game.

It was a freezing but bright fall Saturday morning. I trekked up College Ave. to the tailgating grounds to meet Lisa and company. The new rotation student Drew had a spot for us with hot breakfast and cold beer. I was a bit surprised by the large turnout all the way up College Ave. and at the tailgating grounds. IU fans had pride; it would take some effort for me to do this chilly outing even in Gainesville, FL. I found my bunch at the tailgate spot and met some new people. Within five minutes I struck up an intense conversation with David, another first year grad student. David was stroking the coals in the bbq rack and seemed to enjoy talking about recruiting classes and 3-3-5 defenses as much as I did, and a mutual respect was quickly seeded and growing. We were talking about pass-catching half backs when we were rudely distracted by a drunk Michigan State contingent in their merry green. We both rolled our eyes and I told David about my thoughts on douchebag fans.

"I saw a Michigan fan like that once. I hate Michigan fans."

"Really?" said David and pulled off his black sweatshirt to reveal an eye-blinding maize T-shirt with blue writing on it - 'Wolverines'.

He was a Michigan fan? But he was cool to talk to! One hasty switch of topics later, I caught Lisa's eye and signaled to her that I wanted to go scalp tickets. We left immediately and I poured to her on the way what I thought about douchebag fans and she sniggered politely.

The tickets were scalped and we were surveying the tailgating scene as we made our way back to Drew's truck. I was really very impressed with the number of people in Indiana Crimson all around. IU has always had an awful football team and these fans really had to either be clueless or just plain stupid to brave this weather to watch them lose to a mediocre Michigan State team. And tailgating before that? Man are they nuts!

We almost reached the truck when I saw him. He was walking up past the intersection of College Ave. and Madison, a stocky guy with short hair, a beer belly and a Nike Pro combat orange and blue jersey from the the 2009 Florida-Florida state game. A Florida fan!! I yelled out to him "Go Gators baby!!!" (scaring Lisa to an inch of her life in the process) and unzipped my faux-leather jacket to reveal a bright orange T-shirt with blue streaks and a roaring alligator logo. I ran over to him as he noticed what was happening and we screamed as we did a chest bump followed by several gator chomps at everyone staring at our war dance.

Yeah I met a douchebag fan that day. That douchebag fan was me.

******

My thoughts go out to anyone that has ever been hurt by arms. I am not smart or motivated enough to drone on about gun control and therapy for criminals but somewhere in the reactions and the political debate, the value for a life lost is shamefully neglected. Let us not sensationalize, politicize or commercialize sadness. The human condition has a responsibility to be better than that.

How to sleep at night

While a large fraction of us between the ages of 20 and 35 have no trouble claiming that we are night birds and even insomniacs, most of us do not really know what a true nocturnal or an insomniac even looks like. Should we really pride ourselves in being that? As much as it is a great fad to claim our differences from regular society, to show that in irregular eating or sleeping habits has an awful cost to benefit ratio. While a structured life is seemingly dull, you will be surprised how much a structured life can do to allow you to do your favorite awesome things better. A low effort high reward means of structuring is to just sleep at the right times. They need not be fixed for everyone in the world, but they need to be fixed for you and they need to be normalized to your surroundings. Here I present the one thing that I have through years of not doing in grad school.

1. Physically exhaust yourself

If you are reading this, chances are you are not someone whose job description is "heavy macho-ness". You work, drive, and unwind in the same position with a screen in front of you and at the end of the day, you have put your mind through a cane juicer. Physically you probably have given your eyes a heat-stroke but nothing more. The discrepancy between your mental activity and physical activity is what makes you toss around even if you force wrap yourself into your sleep-face. But if you could have some sort of physical activity for an hour or two (you have to sweat) to end your day, the physical  exhaustion should automatically lull you to a good sleep.

2. Eat 

It seems alright and even fun sometimes to skip meals. But starting with your mood, it could go on to determine if your grandchildren live to be 30 or 60. It may be hard to whip up mom quality meals four times each day especially if you are single. A bare-basic meal will suffice but it has to be there. When you have your meals is also crucial. Start with a 7-day program where you eat at the same time each day and eat enough quality food and the difference will start to show. Preparing the meal and cleaning up later could be part of your physical activity.

3. Make yourself comfortable

In some cases this could be a luxury but it is obvious that you need to be in a nice relaxed position to doze off. A lot of times however the determinant of comfort is mental. You could be in the best therapeutic bed and still toss around with all the thoughts running through your head. Empty your mind. If ambient noise is your thing, have that work in your favor. Stop analyzing. If you survive to to see the next morning, you can think about it. If you don't, it doesn't matter anyway. A lot of times though, the mental wandering is because of something that fuels the itch, which brings us to...

4. Tune out


Turn off that computer. You really do not need the music running. Those youtube cat videos, those facebook updates, those not-that-funny memes, all those tweets and blogs that just came up will not change your world forever, though a good night's rest could. If everything were to disappear when you ignored it and went to sleep, you'd never take a vacation ever. Oh you don't? Never mind.


5. Have a partner


I found that when I had my sleep irregularities in grad school, I kept a perfect 11 pm - 7 am sleep schedule when I visited my parents on vacation. I definitely was not working hard though I was eating better and stayed disconnected from the interwebs. But mostly it was simply because everyone else in the house was doing it. It worked as some sort of group therapy where I was comfortable with sleeping at 11 pm and springing out at 7 am because the others were. Having a partner for sleep works just like having a partner at the gym. Now you don't have to work too hard and find someone that will live with you. You could just have an agreement with a similarly afflicted friend and work the program from where you are. 

5. Plan it

You will find that as much as sleep can help organize your life, organizing the rest of your day will help you sleep better. Make your sleep time that important to you. Do not skip that crucial time point that you are meant to retire at. For anything or anyone. Not everyday is an emergency. Those emails can wait until the morning. If they can't then it is too late anyway and the repercussions can be dealt with tomorrow. A good night's rest is a great reward to sleeping on time. Reward yourself for waking up in the morning too, with the thought or the song that you itched to listen to when you had to retire. It will give you something to wake up for.

You will find that a great many things will start looking better. Your health and energy will be on the upward trend. You will be able to restrain your need to do things impulsively. You will be able to channel your mind and body better. It is really all about the self-love. Once you have one important thing figured everything else falls in place automatically. If it doesn't, we'll deal with it tomorrow morning.

I have the need etc...etc.

So I was driving Srividya back to MCO this afternoon. I had the car cruising at 75 mph on the 70 mph limit I-75. 'Anjane' by Strings was playing on the speakers and we were taking in the pretty Florida wetland scenery. Suddenly, Mr. Know-it-all driver on a chromed-out metallic green suv, zipped into the extreme left lane right behind me. He waited about five whole seconds after which he cut into the middle lane with the deft skill of a seasoned freeway zipper and sped up to level with me. He then let out a shrill horn blare to let me know what he thought of me as he readied himself to gain velocity and leave me coughing in his awesomeness dust.

Exactly then I heard a familiar siren go off somewhere behind me with some all-american light effects. A green and white car with 'SHERIFF' displayed proudly on one side closed in right behind Mr. know's chrome monster. The latter slowed down as it crossed out much more respectfully to the extreme left part of the road with torn tyre bits on it. As I passed Mr. know, I vaguely caught him punching his steering wheel. I gave him my eastwoody smile, adjusted my glasses and continued to MCO at 75 mph.

Peace out.

"All the same"

Amongst a dozen other things, sensitivity fail.

"This is my daughter...from the US." "Oh my son-in-law too..."

A year ago, I had made a post confirming my revulsion with the induced overt-awe of an academic degree. Obviously there was more to the matter than what I picked up naively back then.

--

I had settled on the bean-bag after a power lunch to watch a matinee telecast of 'Veerasamy' on KTV with a bowl of jelly and a cold glass of mango juice in attire that would make Mahatma Gandhi proud. Mom and dad left to see someone and Pammi decided to give up on stealing the remote and retired for the afternoon. The bell rang A middle-aged couple with their smatter-stache tall-than-me high school son showed up to see the apartment we planned to rent out. I was a bit twitched about being interrupted but tiwo had finally made it to Tata Sky cable so I led them towards the apartment, remote in hand.

"Hi, I am buzz-buzz-blah", said the gentleman as he shook my bony hand and took notice of my skinny build. His wife nodded and his son looked away. I lead them to the apartment and told them to feel free to look around as I parked on the sawdust-layered kitchen counter. The mom examined the apartment in great detail as they noted each point and nodded to herself and looked to the head of the house for his approval grunt. The son occasionally did a slight dance with his feet and said something to his dad, all the time looking at the ceiling. My saw-dust house sketch was nearly complete when the gentleman walked over to me and asked me, "Are there any elders in the house?".

To this day, I have always had the distinct privilege of receiving a semi-dismissive comment on my age and how it poorly fits my current degree of study when my parents introduce me to someone they know. But even as a hardened player, I was not happy about getting that from Mr. Buzz. I reached for my beard to stroke it but I realized that it had been discarded, in part to help me resemble my passport photo. Nevertheless, I was a 25-year old and I was going to stand up for myself.

"You can talk to me, I own this place" I said. Maybe I had over said something there in my moment of irritation. But I was still going to stick with it. I did not call you balding Mr. Buzz, even though I noticed it before I shook your hand.

But Mr. Buzz was not convinced at all. He still had control on the conversation. So he took a deep breath and let it out loudly and responded, " what is the rent?"

"We quoted it on the newspaper ad", I responded coolly.

Mr. Buzz gave a sly smile perfected by the average Indian negotiator and started, " I know but what is THE rent? See, basically I am from Mumbai. I have been living there for 20 years. I lived in Juhu. You know, Juhu beach? It is a posh area. We had a proper society apartment with amenities like a swimming pool and a club house. Even there I only paid 28,000."

A number of thoughts swam in my head. Alright Mr. Buzz. You have just knowingly or unknowingly, in perfect Indian fashion, thrown some mud on my ancestral home that we all blindly loved. Generations of our dogs have marked their ownership of this place with so much uric acid that it would fill your swimming pool a dozen times. The colony that you have somehow found your way to, is an equivalent to Pali Hill or Malabar Hill in Mumbai. And Juhu is NOT a posh area.

I gave a tired smile and responded, "Just tell me how much you wish to pay".

"Thirty thousand." He had read my expression and was now losing some of his confidence.

"Alright. Just give me your number. I have your name and your quote. If we decide to negotiate on the rent, we will get back to you." Mr. Buzz was visibly displeased with how he had to do this routine with a cold little skinny kid but I was the oldest person he was going to meet that afternoon. He said, "Ok" with a grunt towards the end and started heading out as the rest of the family shuffled after him slowly. I retured to the bean bag to continue what was left of my afternoon.

--

Four hours later, the phone bell rang as I just returned home from walking Scoobie. I picked it up,

"Good Evening."

"Uh. Hello?"

"Yes please?"

"Hi. My name is Mr. Buzz. I had come to see an apartment this afternoon."

"Yes Mr. Buzz. Tell me."

"Uh. Are there any elders around?"

I handed the phone to my father without a response and sped off to the kitchen to report to my mom on the caller. Dad joined us in a few seconds, "He is coming over to see us. Wear a shirt Harish."

I had stopped arguing with my parents a couple of years ago. I walked to my closet and returned in a t-shirt that misspelt New York and Brazil and had a tea stain on it. Mom and dad exchanged a glance but said nothing.

--

I was revising our photo album for the nth time. Scoobie and I had retired to my bedroom for similar reasons. Mr. Buzz had been sitting with dad and mom for the last half hour and judging from the level of noise and the topic of conversation, it was clear that they had hit it off well. The phone rang.

Mom answered, "Harish. Its Abi for you."

I cursed and sped out to pick the phone up and bring it back to my room. But mom had picked up the dusty, abandoned supply phone that could only be used the old fashioned way.

One ten-second phone call later, I quietly tried to slink away, when dad turned to me, "Harish...This is my son Harish. He is studying in the US too."

"Oh.."

That was a chorus by both Mr. and Mrs. Buzz. Mrs. Buzz's expression turned from shock to one that reassured her that all the kids of these days end up there anyway and it was nothing special. Mr Buzz's expression turned from genuine shock to a substantial regret that dripped from his expression as he nearly dropped the dry snack he was holding. Sonny boy kept looking out the window at our neighbor's abandoned old garage.

--

Amongst other things that can be concluded from this post, I think now that it may have been interesting to rewind the evening situation to change what my dad said to, "This is my son Harish. He is pursuing a doctoral degree." I guarantee a lesser shock. It think it can sometimes be a bigger social deal to be elementary schooler in the USA rather than a graduate degree holder in India.

"Have you no ambition? Don't you want to study well, go abroad and make your country proud?"

-some nameless R.K. Laxman cartoon.

Four idiots

Essentially my blog has and audience of two people. The first one is my girlfriend who has been blackmailed to read my posts and the second one is me; to see if the blog shows up on google if I keep visiting it. However, an unexpectedly pleasant surprise came from pious St. Gregorious who not only visited but left an azure note that I am obliged to share in a separate post.


"Established in 1997, St. Gregorious Edu-Guidance is a leading education consultancy services providing exemplary service to students all over India. We deal in Admissions to all major professional courses in Premier Institutes across India. We are your one step solution for all career related needs, it may be MD, MBBS BE, BTech (ALL BRANCHES), , MDS, BDS, BPharm, BArch, MBA, MTech, MS, , PhD or any other courses. We provide personalized career solutions on an individual basis keeping in mind the aspirations of our client as well as the affordability factor.
FOR ALL CAREER RELATED NEEDS CONTACT US :
St. Gregorious Edu-Guidance,
#2, 2nd Floor,
J J Complex, Above Chemmannur Jewellers,
Marthahalli - P O,
Bangalore - 560037
Karnataka
e-mail :jojishpaily@gmail.com
Contact: +91 9448516637
+91 9886089896, +91 9449009983
080-32416570, 41719562


WEBSITE: www.stgregoriousedu.com"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Dear St. Gregorious

I take great delight in knowing of your "dealership" in admissions to premier institutes across India. If only you had contacted me when I was an indian student, I would have loved to talk to you over tea on your exemplary service directed-goals, your equation of careers, aspirations and education into a single, affordable snack and your "edu.com" site. It would have been interesting to know where you purchased the life that you have from . If I was looking for a place to trade my naive enthusiasm for cunning, I wish I had heard from you. Alas, it is too late now, for I have doomed myself with an education purpose that only helps me learn, understand and think better. My career aspirations have also somehow settled for school teacher jobs that may not require your established services. I therefore request you to direct back your energies towards a glorious future of a half-educated India. With careers.

best wishes

-B

Aw Shaddup

The pity fest for the Utah Utes over their BCS title denial and the subsequent BCS bashing over the last six months had not disturbed me until today when I saw an interview of Utah senator Orrin Hatch who has been at the helm of the crying.

Yes Utah went 13 and out and indeed it has been a tremendous effort to go from unranked to #2 on the AP poll (#4 on the Coaches poll). Coach Whittingham has done a great job in repeating Coach Meyer's 2004 effort and I hail the Utes - Sugar Bowl champions. However, demanding a title shot over forefront teams Texas, USC, Oklahoma and Florida and whining and crying over it still is unreasonable.

Utah like all the other 1-A teams signed a contract with the BCS for that year stating their satisfaction and association with its rules. It thus is evident to them and everyone else that this system would demand a high quality schedule strength, dominant performance and all-round ability to contend for the national title. Utah scheduled just two BCS opponents - an all time low Michigan team that lost also to Toledo amongst others in their unfortunate 3-9 run and an Oregon state team that was unpredictable from start to end. That allows very less risk tolerance to Utah and tells me clearly that Utah never wished to contend with the bigwigs when they scheduled. Part of the scheduling included Utah backing out of a game with Texas. The rest of it was made of MWC minnows that all did nothing but play each other to win (with the exception of a Wyoming team that beat a fully depowered Tennessee team; BYU achieved the bowl game that it lost without beating a single quality team). Texas scheduled Oklahoma (which ended in the national championship), amongst nine other quality BCS opponents. USC played all BCS opponents including Ohio State which ended up in a BCS bowl almost winning against Texas. Oklahoma trounced through its brutal schedule which included a 35-10 blow out of a TCU team that Utah barely scraped through. Florida blew out reigning champion LSU and preseason #1 Georgia, amongst eleven other BCS opponents six of which won their bowl games. If computers had made an error in assessing the intangible reasons for Utah's title game qualification then the remaining human poll based assessments (which is 2/3s of the final positioning) were still unconvinced.

Utah fans must, as voluntary members of the BCS system, realize that a perennial power does not become one just in a day by throwing greens at the pollsters. They make the position because they schedule and play other perennial powers year in and out and prove themselves on the gridiron every year to retain their positions. No matter how much money a school has, on the gridiron the money or recruiting does not make them play. Ask Notre Dame who have been recruiting splendidly for a long as they have existed and still won only their first bowl game in 16 years in 2009. Ask Michigan whose 3-9 record was made by a top 15 recruiting class. A school with the contention quality of Texas, USC and Oklahoma is made only because they establish themselves by winning through a season or more of murderous scheduling. Bigger schools are in fact equal or bigger victims of the flaws of the BCS because they cannot afford mistakes despite their brutal schedules. Would Florida or USC have made the title game with Utah's schedule just because of their current legacy? Rhetorical question. No.

Until the end of the Sugar Bowl there was not a word from the Utes or the senator on their dissatisfaction with the BCS. But immediately after the victory, the Utes' pride swelled beyond the point that their brains could retain control and they belted out on their prerogative to everyone and their brother. That, without a doubt, remains a blind and irrational argument from the Utes and their fans and it definitely is not going to help their future progression.

Whatever the BCS system may be, it is better than its predecessor - the basic poll system. There actually is a proper national championship game to settle that final argument. The teams that ended up in the national championship have been teams that dominated a brutal schedule and emerged running. However, it has a lot of holes and complicated flaws and therefore every year there are teams that are unsatisfied with its verdict and claim to be victims of its convolutions. Nevertheless Utah cannot be one of them. Indeed if there were a team that had the right to complain, it was USC, with its top ranked defense, highly ranked offense and dominant performance against eleven purely BCS opponents 5 of which won their bowl games.

That said, for sure the BCS system is flawed and is no alternative for a true playoff and indeed a playoff must replace it very soon allowing deserving teams to take it all. But senator Hatch's sob story is not why it should happen. It should happen because it is what is right for everyone and it should happen to remove the fiscal monopoly of the traditional and perennial powers. It should happen because every year each team should be allowed to contend for the title on the same fresh page independent of their track record. That is how it should be fought and beaten. Saying that Utah deserved Florida's position is completely in relief of one's brains and rationality. If a Ute still continues to whine then he should consider requesting his team to defect to the 1-AA system that actually has a playoff. That way they can play clean and challenge Appalachian State (who also beat Michigan in Michigan) for the national title.

Damn you Bama for sleeping at the driver's seat and losing the Sugar Bowl.

The Talent

A nice old friend of mine from school, who sends me automatic greetings on Diwali, occasionally also includes my name in a list that he sends youtube videos to. Once such video (two years ago) that caught my attention was of this five-year old playing Mozart for an opera audience in Canberra. 'Damn', I thought. 'Someday I should play like that'. I is not the first time I had thought that.

When I was six, my mom dragged me to the local temple for a Classical dance performance by a ten-year old. The audience would have tallied two hundred. I was not interested at all but I zoned in towards the last bit of the performance where the audience clapped heavily and lauded the girl. I was pricked. I spoke little on the way home but I burst out once we were there. 'I will be a better dancer than that girl...and everyone else out there'. Mom said 'Definitely', and put me to bed. The great fire lasted a few minutes until I slept off.

After that there have been many such fits (sometimes more than one a day). I still haven't learnt to how to use a paint brush, I hold a green belt in Taek-won-do, I field on the boundary line position where batsmen convert twos to threes, I last ten seconds in a deathmatch, I run a hundred meters in twelve-and-a-half seconds and I weigh fifty six kilos with my shoes on.

My ingrained epigentics logic always told me that it is because I was from a very ordinary family with ordinary people. I started running out of excuses for the same as I grew older though. My father turned out to be National Science talent scholar and a medal winning financial analyst, my mother - a vocalist and my sister sings, paints and weighs more (though I am the better fielder, ha!). My extended family helped more by snatching man-of-the-series awards at national tournaments, winning international quizzes and even landing a Padmashri. My best friend lead the brat pack in all that would matter to twelve year olds.

Oh and if you were wondering, my top rank ever in class was seventh. For one semester.

I had some talents of course. I knew (and still know) updated character bios on most comic book heroes and foes. Em...actually that was the only talent. The other one could be the ability to over-publicize myself but well. When people want to be nice to me they agree that the latter one is and former still is not.

It was getting serious. Old uncles were starting to call me a computer wiz for helping them send email attachments. I had to find something that my mom could tell her friends about. Ok, maybe not that. But something to show that I am cool too. I had always believed that my inner talent would burst forth and shine and two hundred people will clap for me...someday. But it didn't happen. I was starting to give up and call myself ordinary. Well somebody had to be average.

But it was weird to live that way because I was not allowed to. A small portion of my class called me a scolty-bhai (bambaiyya for scholar) while my parents got somber when my grades came. "You are spoke good English re", was a very positive remark I got when I returned "rich in experience" from a small voice-culture competition. My computer magic of course got its praise from some well wishers because my deeds had grown to helping them unmute microphones. I was getting eaten up. Either I should become what I am being called or atleast they should stop their nonsense.

Cutting across to now, after a couple of lucky public examination and admission breaks (my sceptics will agree), I cannot say that I have gotten any closer to greatness; nor has my undeserved acclaim come down. To some I am still the ace swimmer and a nobel prize winner. But one thing has changed and that is that I am at peace with it.

Maybe I did give it a try. Maybe it was my friends' fault for not letting me try and learn. Maybe I didn't have the right teaching or evaluation techniques. Maybe my parents should have enrolled me in a competitive class for art or sport when I was five instead of letting me watch tv. Or maybe I just did not have the drive.

But clearly I cannot suck for lack of a revolutionary talent. To the old uncles and the classmates and the friends who thought I had it, I made a difference for that moment. For those moments I did feel on top of things. I still do. And if I could achieve that without a real talent, any kid should be able to. It is not worth it to breed children to win. It is not worth feeding them on competition and telling them that a top spot is the only thing in life. But it definitely does them a great parenting service to let them be happy and help them discover things on their own. I thank my parents for that.

I am still working on it. I am pushing to improve every little thing i do. And atleast my housekeeping,badminton and vocal music skills are starting to show. The important thing is to try and do everything and sometime maybe, just a good paintball shot at that moment can make the difference to someone. I will open on batting and hit a six off the first ball one day.

Divine comedy

A post related to the title tag-line of this blog. A million problems and issues ride our minds at every second - some real, some more important than that. Our big escape from that can be some form of stimulation – sports, meditation, arts or maybe cinema. Since I have a very poor relationship with the first three, I will talk of my only option - the last one. I am not an avid television person but I am crazy about cinema. It may probably be a small side effect of a Mumbai existence but it could be a general human feature.

In cinema, I subscribe to what the typical Indian movie maker sells, but I have a major craving for good comedy. It gives me all the high that I miss out from not using drugs. But of course, not all attempts at comedy are funny. The Hindi film industry had been starved for good comedy for close to two decades until the Dil Chahta Hai’s and the Lagaans came out. Though it has still not fully gotten back to the magic that prevailed in the times of Hrishikesh Mukherjee and Basu Chatterjee, there are at least the odd movies like ‘Kal ho na ho’, ‘Waqt’ and ‘Khosla ka Ghosla’ that weave in some really tingling bits into their script. The comedy tracks that prevailed until then were never good enough to be called lackluster (with the exception of some brilliant bits by Paresh Rawal and Johnny Lever in the movie ‘Judaai’ and a couple of Aamir Khan movies that could make you smile).

The other Indian cinema industry that I follow – the Tamil industry - fared and is still faring a lot better. What was started off by Thangavelu and Nagesh in the sixties and seventies was carried through the eighties and nineties by Goundamani, Janakaraj and Senthil and finally the torch still is held high by Vivek, Vadivelu and the recent Ganja Karupan, each of the stars adding their own colors to it. Of course there are people who never found any of them funny enough but they are not authors on this blog article. Comedy in this industry is so good that despite the current infection of the industry by some people who should have joined some other industry totally unrelated to entertainment, (someone please burn their D.F. Tech. degrees) the finances are still being held stable in many production houses single handedly by the comedy tracks that these greats graciously keep doling out.

Of course there is this whole parallel store of comic cinema that actually did not intend to be so, but nevertheless provides as much entertainment as a quality comedy track would. I talk of the Mithuns, the TRs, the recent Sam Andersons and even Shivaji Ganeshan from the seventies. These movies are meant to be taken in a serious nature (and there are the target audiences that does too) but some others like me take it as a different form of entertainment (hey, after all it is an entertainment industry!).

What makes these movies funny? Is it the excessive jingoistic overacting, is it the bloopers, is it the unbelievable nature of the cinema or is it the fact that the cinema refuses to accept its mediocrity? Jingoism, in my opinion is there in all cinema and some excessively jingoistic movies like Border were big hits not because they were taken to be funny. Second, bloopers exist in all movies and it just takes a keen eye to find them. Third, cinema is allowed to have unbelievable moments and larger than life elements because that is what makes it so fantastic and different and entertaining in comparison to real life. Though of course it is quite funny that a girl that is a third of his age goes weak on the knees for Vijaykanth, (as in that being unbelievably gross even in cinema) and a hundred people spontaneously combust by his very stare, it does not cover the entire spectrum of this parallel industry. There are some other grandpas who still are superstars. In fact such an extreme larger than life effect is taken very serious by most of the movie makers and a large fraction of the public. That leaves just mediocrity.

What defines mediocre cinema? Everyone comes to watch movies with a different mindset and look for different elements in it. Most often the quality of the cinema is based on the element(s) that they looked at but does not always cover everything. Then how can we call a movie mediocre in a general sense? Would it be by a majority of public opinion? In that case, what does the majority of the public call mediocre?

The answer may not be very simple but can be illustrated to make it quite clear. Rajnikanth’s movies are not called mediocre in the Tamil industry because they are taken seriously and his extreme acts and punch elements are called entertaining. The very same act by T Rajendar would be heavily laughed at. One could argue – T Rajendar looks like a Neanderthal’s poor clone and Rajnikanth has a better style. But his son Simbu does look more human than Rajnikanth does and can be made to act well in some situations too. Why did his attempts at heroic dialogue in his debut movie get laughed at, while his later Vallavan (that did not show better acting/screenplay/dialogue/direction in any way) was called a serious hit? Vijaykanth looks like the same species that T Rajendar is claimed to be. But the former is still taken more seriously (not wholly but still substantially, to quote Pt. Nehru). Does Vijakanth offer a better quality in his movies (at least currently)?

One more element to add before I discuss the above - the Hindi movie industry does not seem to offer any extra quality in their acting, dialogue, comedy (already established above) or cinematography. In fact, cinematographers are drawn from the south. Then why is it so that in Bombay, Delhi and Jamshedpur, south Indian cinema (read Tamil cinema. Most people north of the state of Karnataka are not aware of the other south industries. Except for maybe the Malayalam industry but that is thought to entirely be a soft porn industry) is hugely made fun of and the same godly Rajnikanth is mocked openly with the mind-its and the quick-gun Murugans? The answer probably is – budget. The recent ‘Shivaji' by the same person was actually taken seriously in these provinces because of it record – India’s most expensive movie yet. One may scroll back to the previous paragraph to see it sound a bit clearer now.

This argument could sound specious but there is more to stimulate the thinking mind. The bollywood industry, as the Indian industry is popularly called abroad, is called so because it was made in Hollywood’s image – a rip off. Of course the aware world citizen would laud the bollywood industry as ‘full of color and masala’ but it is never treated in the same level of seriousness as a Hollywood or a British production. That is not a result of lack of reach as Indians have migrated to even El Dorado. It is similar to how the Hindi industry treats the Tamil industry.

Big budget is the new brand word. Big budgets mean quality – that is what is sold. The media is worried more about the budget of the movie than what its USP is. And that has carried over to the consumer as well. ‘Taare Zameen Par’ was a big hit; ‘revolutionary children’s movie’ – it was hailed. But the same public never even knew an even more revolutionary ‘Halo’ by Santosh Sivan because it was low budget. There are a million better examples of this but the point driven is the same.

However the purpose is not to promote sensible cinema watching or cut down on excessive expenses in cinema. As stated before, it is an entertainment industry and we draw what we choose from it.

I am a big fan of the Mithuns and the T Rajendars. Not just because of some comedy involved but because of the other thing that they are doing. Though they are not getting great movies out, they provide jobs to so many people who entirely depend on it for their frugal existence. Why is it so important to have a great fight in the movie even though it doesn’t add to the story in any way? The stuntmen and the doubles depend on it for their bread. Technology has pretty much limited the roles of extras, spot boys, doubles, make-up artists, art persons, set designers and makers, stunt men and such. You can be waving your hand in front of a blue screen and the final movie can show you as a great knight slapping an army of dragons. Low tech pavilions that remain – the Bhojpuri industry and the b-grade industries, T Rajendar, Joe Stanley and so many other grass root production houses are their last hope.

To conclude a post that could have taken lesser words to get across, I have always wondered why Kamal Hassan always had to have a car stunt in every one of his movies after the eighties (with the exception of a bare few) even though it never helped the plot. It provides employment. I have even heard that during the 1997-1998 Tamil industry strike, when a lot of the lower rung industry workers faced unemployment and poverty with nowhere to go to, he brought together a team to make a movie called ‘Kadhala Kadhala’ when went on to become one of his best comedy movies and gave a lot of jobs to these people while the actors’ guild refused to do something about the situation. Most of the actors and the top rung members of the movie did not draw anything for their work but passed on the entire sum to the ones who really depended on it. That’s probably why the movie had large numbers of extras going around doing nothing and most of the movie involved sets. Kamal Hassan has his heart in the industry. Mithunda and TR fall in the same league.

To be precise...

What is a nerd and what is a geek? Often I have observed the use of these terms interchangeably and sometimes I have seen one term being used to cover elements that conform to both terms. I wouldn’t say it is wrong; I support colloquial definitions (not very ethically, but yet quite clearly) in English and other languages partly due to my own ineptness in living up to the standards of Victorian English. But the thoughtless misuse of the terms creates quite a degree of confusion and misinterpretation in many circles.

Both terms are American (anti-British if I may) and have specific characteristics and differ in many senses and many of them are not just subtle. Doubtless, there are similarities – both are characterized by a certain degree of academic drive, social ineptness and a certain lack of focus on appearance. But both terms have evolved over time with continuous tampering and refining to their present positions where a clear distinction may be made.

The first point of difference is the origin – the word geek actually has an English (meaning fool) source though the meaning has been corrupted and evolved with time and use. The term nerd has no English origin (though it may be a derivative of certain known words but that is not clear). This may not be a very consequential difference and so it will not demand attention beyond this.

A more embodied difference is the appearance. Though both may be thought to lack focus on appearance, often once can see a nerd being very conventionally unsightly. The geeks of the current timeline are not so easily identifiable. They may have a pretty smile and may still retain the geek gene. A nerd would typically have untended oily hair, glasses that were a trend when glasses were invented, pants that were a in vogue more recently in the 1920s, a shirt that would be slightly too big or slightly too small, a very noticeable lack of fat and a certain dental aberration. A geek can manage to escape that to a fair extent but may not to the point where the pay attention to how they look and match their pants to their shirts. Often they wear only t-shirts (primarily because they are easier to live with and don’t have buttons that require painful attention but it could also be that geeks have a liking for messages on their shirts and very few of such condition lack the t- element). Nevertheless, a geek is not so likely to win a date by his/her allure quotient as the focus lies in a different direction.

A geek is characterized primarily by a passionate drive for certain things like academics (though not at all limited to), technology, gadgetry, music, movies and such. In fact, such a tendency is the very definitive factor of a geek. A geek may conform to all or some of these conventions. So a non-academic person may still be a geek if he is crazy about electronics and his favorite outings are to best buy and circuit city. Such drives are often prioritized over social needs and hence there is a certain lack of real friends (though geeks may be very socially active in the virtual world) and social participation. A geek may be really cool in his/her own perspective and in the perspectives of his peers making him a success in some circles but not in general ones. Their train of thought also runs along the same lines and that limits the extent to with others may relate to them or vice versa.

A nerd on the other hand is driven towards only academics and its allies. The books read are science-fiction. The social circles are math and physics club. Nerds may not have the choice of rejecting social calls; they are often excluded before that. They have a resultant social hunger that drives them to do some very silly things and nerds are often found approaching the other sex in quite a sloppy manner. Nerds may not always be the best people to talk everything with, though they may be very good for academic discussions. A nerd friend is not a conventional social asset unless you are a nerd too (though it may be observed that nerds often watch each others’ backs and make good friends within their own kin so it is not all hope lost to be one). Nerds are generally thought to end up very successful due to their academic motivation and may often be found dating supermodels after they make their first few millions, though a geeky habit may not always be a very productive or vocationally viable one.

Both terms have evolved from extreme to extreme through time. In the past, the n-word carried a milder tag while the g-word was often used for offense. In their current avatars however, being a nerd may conventionally be less desirable than being a geek.

Being a geek has evolved to such a positive state that often geeks proclaim their condition out loud and strong. There is a certain ego and arrogance that goes with the tag and they chose to retain all of that. It feels good to be someone who’s rejected society for technology. It feels good to be a competent geek in geek circles; you are respected by that circle for it. It feels good to hit out on the world for being unable to see what you see, from your weblog.

Of course nerds also follow suit for similar reasons. You can be a reject through your childhood and college life but once you have salvaged your academic potential for professional success, you can hire many conventionally popular individuals to do your bidding at will. Definitely that fosters a dormant ego that does not wish to stay quiet about it.

I would think that such appeal (or the lack of it) can be bred or avoided by personal choice. One definitely can be what one chooses to be if one does carry a true motivation and genuineness for it. Some things are skin deep and others can be purchased for a small fee. It is the mindset that makes the individual that the social pundits pass judgment on.