Friday, November 20, 2009

Self pity

From a so-called victim of the Tobacco-Free Florida Movement:

I met my wife at Texeco 3 years ago. She was in front of me in line. I spent the whole time checking out her ass in those tight low rider jeans that show just the tippy top of a girls crack. She was wearing a zebra print thong. I could feel a stogie forming in my lower regions. I thought about askin' for her number, but figured, 'a girl like that would never go for a guy like me.' As I was leaving that wonderful gas pumpin' establishment, I saw her unwrapping a pack of cigarettes. She dropped the pack. I leaned over to pick it up for her, and my cigarettes fell out of my shirt pocket... we smoked the same brand. From that moment on, the two of us were inseparable. We married shorty there after. A couple of months ago, I quit smoking, after about a year of constant bombardment on television the folks @ Tobacco Free Florida. Last week, I came home from work to find my wife felatiating a short, fat, Danny Devito lookin' type, while he puffed on a Marlboro Red. I asked her, 'Baby, why you gotta do me like that.' Turns out, she has a cigarette fetish. My quitting was the straw that broke the Camel's back in our marriage. She left with the man. Today in the mail I received divorce papers... Thanks Tobacco Free Florida.
Missing his wife and using his hand
Jacksonville Florida


Friday, November 06, 2009


For the release party of Firefox 2.0 (October 2006), Microsoft (particularly members of the Internet Explorer 7 development team; the higher members at Redmond somehow stopped seeing the funny side of things with Firefox some months before) sent a cake to Mozilla with their congratulations. Mozilla sent the cake back with a note carrying the recipe for the cake that they subsequently released on blogs online for viewing.

-All your user base are belong to us

Thursday, August 27, 2009

OSX 10.6

My very brief comment on Snow Leopard

-ten dollars and eighty-nine cents poorer

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Waste not, want not

A kid that I knew is no more. A bright kid he was, with a brighter future ahead. Died in his sleep of carbon-monoxide poisoning. I do not know how. Maybe it was from his lab, his AC or just because he was around some traffic. Rest in peace friend.

And now I think more general. Effuse. Toxicity. Pollution.

If you are one of those people that negatively stereotypes even the partial environmentalist thought, shame on you. Maybe you have taken sides in the ongoing political drama on global warming, and green jobs. Maybe you are convinced that anthropogenic climate change, ecological movements and animal welfare concerns are silly ways to make money for some organizations. Maybe you do not care about habitat and species endangerment because people that matter more are going unemployed and corrupt. Maybe all that is true. So what?

Your primary needs are food, shelter, clothing, medical aid and education (as human - other animals take only food and shelter). Anything outside of that is a luxury that you establish for yourself. If you can do something to minimize that luxury to decreases your footprint on this planet, it is not an inconvenience. It may not do much to help the climate change situation or the energy crisis. But it is part of the living condition that establishes that you will not use more than what you need. All animals follow it. Except humans. We have become so decadent with our cranial and species superiority hogwash that our sense of self-preservation has become a general element that pervades everything in our thought process, when in reality, as a species we conduct ourselves in the worst possible manner in every sense. Of course you would like to dismiss most or all of that. Of course you would like to believe that nature is a bigger force to reckon with than the wreckage we can inflict on the planet. It probably could be. But we do not need to test that by throwing bigger stones at it.

Yes life is short. But your thought process need not be short term or narrow. Leave behind something for the future generation, however little.

My biggest wish is to be born wild (preferably non-human). At least I would not know members of my species that hunt for sport.

Friday, August 07, 2009

All in ten minutes

I really hate babies. They scream loudly and can't be reasoned with. Especially when they are seated next to me in airplanes. Which happens nine times of every ten flights that I board.

I was glad the ordeal was mere seconds from being over. I unbuckled my seat-belt and leaned forward to look out the window again. The baby-mama next to me that borrowed my pen smiled at me, thanked me for my patience and asked me what I do. I am a graduate student, I replied with a confident smile. She nodded knowledgeably but asked me which college I plan to join after my graduation. My smile degenerated a bit as I told her I had graduated from college. Her smile grew wider as her eyebrows arched. '"Are you doing a masters?", she inquired pleasantly. I barely nodded as Jeanne seated right next to me blurted, "PhD". Mommy let out a loudly approving 'Oh!' as I blushed uncontrollably and looked away as I shifted uncomfortably on my seat. I do not enjoy those anymore and quite justifiably so.

Fortunately, we were cleared for exit and I quickly picked my bag up and joined the line. Baby Pavarotti belted out one more number. I hastily dratted past the people attempting to join the line in front of me without a thought for courtesies as I heard Jeanne and Miorel laugh. I half-ran up the aero-bridge and finally stopped once I was in the departure lounge hallway to wait for the rest of the band to join me. I thought back about my uncomfortable moment with the lady.

It is not that I am not happy with my life right now, quite the contrary actually. I love my work and I love my lab. But I am tired of the overt effect of the title. It is just another degree and people my age in the industry are working harder. There is nothing special about it. Don't fool yourself or others - it is NOT more brain work than other lines and no - it is definitely not the job for geniuses. Yes, others work just as hard or harder. I feel guilty.

I remember a similar situation a month ago back home.

***flashback to a month ago***

"Protein Engineering", said dad with a proud grin.

I shot a half-amazed, half-annoyed look at him. I definitely do not do any such engineering or related work. I was surprised that this person had actually attempted to get a PhD in biology at some point in his life and actually published a paper before be left half-way.

"PhD, University of Florida", mom added.

"Oh!", said the family friend. "Then you must know my ......"

***a little later***

I accosted mom before she made her way to the laptop to start her afternoon Scrabble session with the bot. "Why did you have to say that?". "What else do you want me to say?", she asked back with mild annoyance. I stayed determined, " you could say graduate student". "And how do you expect them to understand that?", said mom tiredly. I smiled and said, "Precisely" but mom did not wait for me.

I grabbed dad a few seconds later. "Protein Engineering?!!". "Isn't that what you do?", he asked in amusement. But I wanted this to be serious, "I do crystallography. I told you that so many times." He replied, "I don't know too well what that is and surely others do not". "But Watson, Crick and Henry Bragg were crystallographers. It is a very old field. Nothing swanky new and cutting edge." Dad laughed just like dad does and walked away with Scoobie (who spared me an indifferent look) trailing for their mid-afternoon siesta. How is it that an "important" area of science sticks around for nearly a century and is not as known as protein engineering?


John joined me and pointed at me with a 'ha-ha' like a Simpsons character as the others pitched in with wide grins of their own. I rolled my eyes and looked away. Rob and Mavis walked over. Mavis said nothing but Rob's sinister smile pulled my attention to him. "I knew where you were seated sir", he let go and acknowledged the snorting from the group for his joke. They had all travelled with me long enough to discover my wonderful luck with yelling babies on flights. Yes there is something called luck and I haz none of itz.

I did not wait for their maturity to kick back in and sped up the hall behind Mavis. Toronto airport was nowhere as pretty as Vancouver but then again, Vancouver airport was the best I had seen. Toronto seemed much more travel worn, bare and cold. Probably only because of the strike, I thought. I had a very positive opinion of Canadian cities. The were US cities in a better state of prosperity. Maybe it was not going to be such a bad day despite the start.

I had reached the short queue at the Canadian immigration point. A lady with dull make-up and bright clothes waved at me and told me to head to counter 11. I smiled at her and mouthed a thanks as I headed to the counter. A well built officer with short hair and lots of gel leaned over the counter , took my passport and customs forms and asked me how I was doing as he turned to his computer screen and typed with quick jabs. I shared basic pleasantries with a broad smile. He then raised his eyebrows and looked at me with a smile, "So you were in Vancouver last week? I am from Vancouver. Did you find it beautiful?". I smiled my best yet. "Yes. Very".

"So what business are you here in Toronto for?"

"A science conference"

"What kind of science conference?"

"Crystallography". I was still grinning to my molars.

He frowned. "What is that?!"

I had a fleeting visual of mom, dad and Pammi laughing as I dropped my grin and my ears reddened. John must have noticed it despite my dark skin because I could see him smile behind me through the back of my head.

"Virus". I blurted. "Maths....Physics...Bio...Biophysics."

The officer's frown did not leave as he stared at me suspiciously. "So where are you staying?". I stared back blankly as I went redder. "A hotel".

"Which hotel? Is your conference at the same place?"

"Umm...I don't...I can ask my boss. She's just at the next counter.Mavis..."

He looked over at Mavis and Rob who were having a hearty chat about socialized medical systems with their counter officer.

"Are you all a group?"

"Yes. I nodded. We are all students. They are our bosses." I realized that my nervous word selection was getting more and more incriminating.

"Have a pleasant stay", he said as he tossed my form and passport back to me, the frown sustained. I strode past hurriedly. I did not wait for the others as i made a dash to the conveyor belts and parked at a seat. It was going to be that sort of a day, I agreed with myself.

The others arrived quickly as the conveyor belt squealed to life. I waited at my seat for the others to finish and come over as someone just walked up to me and said, "nice shirt". She was a conventionally pretty-looking girl, presumably in her late teens. I looked down at my t-shirt, recognized the Tux logo on it and looked back at her with a smile and said thanks. "I use Debian", she said. I was suprised but I cleanly masked it and mustered a pleasant "Gentoo". "Cool! Nice to meet ya", she said and glided away to the belt. I chuckled to myself. The others joined me and continued their banter but I wasn't listening at all. As we exited the airport the Debian girl was climbing into a chromed-out Mazda. She smiled again and waved at me and I waved back. It was going to be a great day.

We walked to the taxi pick-up point where a lady with a strong french accent quickly mouthed code into her walkie-talkie and ushered in two taxis for us. "Eet weel take a meenit", she said. "Thats alright," responded Mavis pleasantly. The lady smiled at us and looked curiously at the poster box I was carrying.

"Where are you going to?" , she asked Jeanne.

"A conference".

"What kind of conference?"

"A science conference"

"are you scienteests? Oh...!"


Thursday, July 09, 2009

Aw Shaddup

The pity fest for the Utah Utes over their BCS title denial and the subsequent BCS bashing over the last six months had not disturbed me until today when I saw an interview of Utah senator Orrin Hatch who has been at the helm of the crying.

Yes Utah went 13 and out and indeed it has been a tremendous effort to go from unranked to #2 on the AP poll (#4 on the Coaches poll). Coach Whittingham has done a great job in repeating Coach Meyer's 2004 effort and I hail the Utes - Sugar Bowl champions. However, demanding a title shot over forefront teams Texas, USC, Oklahoma and Florida and whining and crying over it still is unreasonable.

Utah like all the other 1-A teams signed a contract with the BCS for that year stating their satisfaction and association with its rules. It thus is evident to them and everyone else that this system would demand a high quality schedule strength, dominant performance and all-round ability to contend for the national title. Utah scheduled just two BCS opponents - an all time low Michigan team that lost also to Toledo amongst others in their unfortunate 3-9 run and an Oregon state team that was unpredictable from start to end. That allows very less risk tolerance to Utah and tells me clearly that Utah never wished to contend with the bigwigs when they scheduled. Part of the scheduling included Utah backing out of a game with Texas. The rest of it was made of MWC minnows that all did nothing but play each other to win (with the exception of a Wyoming team that beat a fully depowered Tennessee team; BYU achieved the bowl game that it lost without beating a single quality team). Texas scheduled Oklahoma (which ended in the national championship), amongst nine other quality BCS opponents. USC played all BCS opponents including Ohio State which ended up in a BCS bowl almost winning against Texas. Oklahoma trounced through its brutal schedule which included a 35-10 blow out of a TCU team that Utah barely scraped through. Florida blew out reigning champion LSU and preseason #1 Georgia, amongst eleven other BCS opponents six of which won their bowl games. If computers had made an error in assessing the intangible reasons for Utah's title game qualification then the remaining human poll based assessments (which is 2/3s of the final positioning) were still unconvinced.

Utah fans must, as voluntary members of the BCS system, realize that a perennial power does not become one just in a day by throwing greens at the pollsters. They make the position because they schedule and play other perennial powers year in and out and prove themselves on the gridiron every year to retain their positions. No matter how much money a school has, on the gridiron the money or recruiting does not make them play. Ask Notre Dame who have been recruiting splendidly for a long as they have existed and still won only their first bowl game in 16 years in 2009. Ask Michigan whose 3-9 record was made by a top 15 recruiting class. A school with the contention quality of Texas, USC and Oklahoma is made only because they establish themselves by winning through a season or more of murderous scheduling. Bigger schools are in fact equal or bigger victims of the flaws of the BCS because they cannot afford mistakes despite their brutal schedules. Would Florida or USC have made the title game with Utah's schedule just because of their current legacy? Rhetorical question. No.

Until the end of the Sugar Bowl there was not a word from the Utes or the senator on their dissatisfaction with the BCS. But immediately after the victory, the Utes' pride swelled beyond the point that their brains could retain control and they belted out on their prerogative to everyone and their brother. That, without a doubt, remains a blind and irrational argument from the Utes and their fans and it definitely is not going to help their future progression.

Whatever the BCS system may be, it is better than its predecessor - the basic poll system. There actually is a proper national championship game to settle that final argument. The teams that ended up in the national championship have been teams that dominated a brutal schedule and emerged running. However, it has a lot of holes and complicated flaws and therefore every year there are teams that are unsatisfied with its verdict and claim to be victims of its convolutions. Nevertheless Utah cannot be one of them. Indeed if there were a team that had the right to complain, it was USC, with its top ranked defense, highly ranked offense and dominant performance against eleven purely BCS opponents 5 of which won their bowl games.

That said, for sure the BCS system is flawed and is no alternative for a true playoff and indeed a playoff must replace it very soon allowing deserving teams to take it all. But senator Hatch's sob story is not why it should happen. It should happen because it is what is right for everyone and it should happen to remove the fiscal monopoly of the traditional and perennial powers. It should happen because every year each team should be allowed to contend for the title on the same fresh page independent of their track record. That is how it should be fought and beaten. Saying that Utah deserved Florida's position is completely in relief of one's brains and rationality. If a Ute still continues to whine then he should consider requesting his team to defect to the 1-AA system that actually has a playoff. That way they can play clean and challenge Appalachian State (who also beat Michigan in Michigan) for the national title.

Damn you Bama for sleeping at the driver's seat and losing the Sugar Bowl.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

I haz a vada pawz

Goodbye cruel world.

Limelight Kitteh. Covers most of page 3.

Hell in a handbazkit. U're doing it quite well akshuly.

why him?

Iz not having a baf and that iz final

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I haz a vada pawz

red riding hood doggeh...looks like a a wolf's grandchild

will poze for fud

crouching kitteh, maddened dog on

snap fur now hooman...i knows where you keep your fanzy ties

analyzt kitteh...tracks all soreces

but i jus speaks to him yesturday

what the hooman did not know was that Anil was in fact a ninja...

bukwurm doggeh...readz you bedtime story

youz not making me look good here

prinz of persia kitteh...scales to find an exit

do i getz a vada pawz now?

-with the earnest co-operation of Snowy, Scoobie, Looey, Kuppi and USC Trojan squirrel spy

Monday, June 01, 2009


Big fan. Really big fan.

I do like flashiness and eye candy when it is available. But that can be like the first snow effect. Looks good and feels good on the first day and only feels cold after the novelty leaves. What you need along with eye candy is good personal usability with minimal maintenance. Some manage to deliver it well so you can briefly come back to it later but it is really hard when both go wrong (read: Vista).

Microsoft Windows is like a socially conformist fair-weather friend. Everything is there at a superficial level, there are no goodies inside and no effort is made to change that yet people compromise and put up with it because they do not want to think beyond it. That is why Vista was still a success for Microsoft despite its big flaws. This is why Windows 7 will be a big hit like XP was.

Don't get me wrong - I do not blindly hate Microsoft, Apple or anyone else for the matter. Apple's hardware quality and design is near unbeatable. The day Microsoft does come out with a real quality product (in the lines of Excel '97 say) I will be one of the first to pick it up. However Microsoft has become lax and completely dependent on its market monopoly (resulting from various factors) and this mentality is reflected even in their "I'm a pc" ads. All innovation has gone out the 'window' and whatever is assembled is a cheap imitation of something original made by someone else. The "innovation" of the second half of the 90s as ruled by Microsoft was to make bigger meaner machines that simply take more load thrown at them. From a corporate perspective that may work effectively but from an academic and long term perspective it simply is not beautiful enough. How can McDonald's be the definitive element for satisfactory dining?

However the new millennium has gone back to defining innovation as an original product that can do better with lesser needs and an addictive interface that culminate into a great user experience (read: Wii, iPod) and Google has had a lion's share in bringing that back. Writing code is an art and Google, in that sense, is the Picasso of the current generation. Google's code-writers focus on how pretty the code is rather than what the end product is and have brought sexy back doing just that. Yeah they are a company too. They look at profiteering and gaining market share. But how they do it sets them apart. Indeed the compromising existence of a Windows user is relatively unfelt primarily because of what Google offers to balance their experience.

So here are twenty of the top ideas from Google that have changed our user experience for the better. I originally intended for ten but honestly there were too many ideas that were getting honourable mentions and I had to do them justice as a loyal fan:

Honourable mentions: Google Voice, Bots, Latitude, Sketchup, Ads, Vision, Blogger - Really I cannot allow past 20. The reader is bored already.

20. Images - Simple size control and customizable searches make this image search a winner over the others. No brainer.

19. Health - Unified health information for anxious minds. Great search based on input medical records. No Ads. Free for use. No profit for Google yet better than alternatives.

18. Code - This is what makes Google likeable to the free and open source community that is pretty much a closet bunch on platforms outside BSD and Linux. It is important that someone bigger than Canonical and IBM should promote open source development. Not only does it help release good developer ideas under public licences but also gives them tools to work with. And it holds a lot of personal good for Google to see all of this code and pick ones that are the coolest as personified by the Google Summer of code program. It really helps recruiting at Google as well, as it attempts to pick the best lateral thinkers thereby keeping its turnover as innovative as ever.

17. Video - Used to host videos until a month ago. Now functions as a pure search engine. It was a great idea to buy as a video hosting site. Google video picks up from more sites and has a continually cleansed repository that makes it more child friendly than the yahoo alternative. The best part is that Web 2.0 based stats are available even for sites that do not offer that service.

16. Shopping and checkout - Froogle revamped. Great for cheap buyers who do not wish to risk some random seller on eBay. Even better for those who just want to get an idea on pricelines and the price-value trade-off. Not only are prices graded but products reviews are picked up as well.

15. Chromium - Really how much time would it have taken before Google forayed into a browser that best suits its vision and applications? The open source shell behind Chrome has just made its pre-release entries into the Unix word but even before that, it has done in just a year, what Firefox and Seamonkey were failing at - acquire market share from the dreadful and dangerous Microsoft Internet Explorer. Unfortunately, despite being open-source, it stays elusive to Unix-based developers who were the primary minds behind critically acclaimed Firefox plugins which is why its not higher up my list. But despite that limitation, it still has used its uncanny speed to rapidly garner fans much better than Firefox did. It scared Microsoft so much that they protested about Chrome potentially gaining complete monopoly if they provided it as part of Windows 7. Wonderful attitude.

14. Sites - The swanky new revamp of Page Creator is a futuristic tool. Where most page-makers are sticking to evolutionary changes, Sites has a wiki based approach that really makes it count. One does not have to bother about html's upgrades hampering website upgrades. Make a site like I write this blog.

13. Talk - Clearly there was something wrong with MSN and Yahoo messenger beyond their excessive options and slow interfaces. Talk did what Twitter's doing now. That is powerful.

12. Android - Nothing scared rival companies like the Android. Primarily because it embraced the FOSS ideology. Google first scared competitors by acquiring Android and releasing the Linux-based mobile OS. Then it did something scarier - it handed it over to the Open Handset Alliance to self-sustain. No it has not really affected the iPhone or Windows Mobile market much. But it has started off the first ever major open-source mobile software initiative that could threaten mobile monopoly. If only wireless service providers could allow it to reach its potential in at least as substantial form...

11. Reader - Google's feed reader is not too different from Mozilla's live bookmarks. Except for that it does not disappear if you reinstall your OS. It is not too different from other rival RSS services. Except for that it allows you to share articles with your friends with a click. And it works on my Wii.

10. Scholar - Pubmed was a go-to source and still is a great repository but Scholar beat it because of its spread and speed. More journals articles are scanned with more search options. There are links to the top names in a field which becomes very useful for a newcomer into the field. It even detects your subscription status to articles and offers links and notifications, but the biggest deal is that it threatens to dethrone the concept of impact factor. As long as your article is published in a journal with papers available online it is going to be picked up by Google Scholar so it does not matter which journal you publish in; your eventual reader and "citer" will be able to pick it up just like another high impact factor journal article. Many investigators profit immensely from this as they escape journal and academic politics and their citation levels gain unbiased from the number of people that view their publication online.

9. Picasa - First you make a web based photo album sharing tool that allows you to upload and download images in full size. Then you make a flashy desktop program for indexing and editing images. Then you allow easy integration, sharing and synching. Voila! you are alone with no competition.

8. Calendar - So every OS has a calendar and a appointment/task suite. Its a classic. What do you do when you forget to carry it with you? What if you need to recheck it? What if you want to change it remotely without all that remote computing hassle? Google Calendar synchronizes all tasks with most popular Calendars on all platforms.

7. Docs - No arguments here, nothing has been able to beat Microsoft Office yet. That is why most Macs carry Microsoft Office. And people pay to buy it even though Openoffice is free. Google Docs, instead of entering a flooded market of desktop-based suites simply creates its own Star-office based suite online. You do not have a winner but you have something that Microsoft never thought of. And that is because no one has done it before. So you don't need an office suite installed. All you need is a web browser with flash support.

6. Bookmarks - Everyone uses them now. Browsers even allow you to import from each other. How come nobody thought of putting it online? Actually yahoo did. And you can do more with yahoo's bookmarks like sharing them and seeing others' bookmarks. But well they don't involve themselves with a certain search algorithm...

5. Gmail - If you are of the rare species that has used gmail and left it for something else, shame on me. If you of the rare species that has never used gmail, etc etc. Who would have ever thought that you can put mails with the same title together into one conversation thread for a user? Who would have ever thought of giving more than a megabyte of mail storage space for free? Who would have ever thought of being able to search through your mail for something you need? Honestly, if you still use something like yahoo, hotmail or something more obscure, we must meet.

4. Wave - it is not higher on my list only because it has not been released yet. Since you have taken time off to read this blog post, take an hour more off and see this video. It may by your most productive hour for the week I guarantee you.

3. Integration - Apple really did well with its iLife suite that charms its patrons. But Apple is limited by its closed and monopolizing vision and that has been quite lucky for Google's system of integration. It will integrate with your mac, your pc or your hand-held. Google's way to success is not by selling closed products but by opening up to sharing, which is why so many have jumped on to the Google wagon. Google gears and Google Desktop get mentions here as fantastic proponents of the integrative capacity of Google. Way before the world coined the name 'cloud-computing' Google had its vision that would fit perfectly into the cloud-computing system where what hardware or OS you use would hardly matter in what you wish to do. Yes the internet is a must but once you have it, there's hardly a difference between what is on your desktop and what is out there in the rest of the world. And nobody has explored that like Google has.

2. Earth and Maps - Hands down this was Google's biggest gift. It is what made everyone realize how cool Google was. And it is still only halfway to where it is expected to be. Words cannot describe the ideas that went into these. Explore them. Period.

1. Search - Was there any doubt at all? The "grandaddy of 'em all" is the where it all started. Other search engines have not yet been able come close to its speed in a decade. Without this the other ideas would never have happened. Its as secret and not open-source thankfully and that is why it has been able to keep its feature, standards and speed as smooth as ever. Google search is probably the most benevolent and innocent giant you can find in any category of anything.

Sometimes idealism is the best way to be practical. I am feeling lucky.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Loud and Proud

"Kehat kabir suno bhai sadho, baat kahun mein khari
Yeh duniya ek numbari, to mein dus numbari"

-dus numbari

The rapid rise in our fairly fullblown relationship with google and its wonderfully integrative online services has fueled a certain fear of a big brother threat arousal in google. Chrome was the latest and biggest of the fear catalysts but that did not stop people from switching over anyway. Google is just faster, better and more addictive than any other communication tool. But as your online persona grows in detail, its importance to others follows suit. Since your employer drafts you only after an exhaustive run through on your facebook page, it becomes important to monitor and introduce traits in your visible profile that meet the world's expectation of greatness in you. However even that will be threatened in the near future when your online persona is what the world looks you up for, what they think you are and admit you are once the web 2.0 concept monopolizes the service. Therefore, like robot insurance, you will need to salvage and promote your uniqueness in every way right now when the system is still primitive. Never lose your USP, without it you are an R K Laxman cartoon.

Therefore, in an entirely philanthropic interest, i give you the Official checklist to establish your uniqueness in your self-described online persona

5. Twitter with your last name. Educate the world on your unique finds. Inspire them. Save them.

SYNTAX: [name/twist on name] [misplaced punctuation] [tweet]

example: Ankit ....:-P:-):-*........LOVZZZ A COMPLICATED THINGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ... ...

4. Remind the world of your unique existance. drop a hi. Never more but definitely in good frequency to a good sample set of friends and random strangers.




Rajat ManU- 5-2...:


~Saravanan Magesh~:-)~RAHUMAN OSKARRRRRRR!!!! :
3. Communities and fan pages. These are the fraternities and sororities of your online future. You can never have enough brothers and sisters. Spread you ideas among your peers and engage in constructive discussions.

[list of members]
[unlimited description]


Janki Miss Fans

members: 21

Forum: Topic Posts

For a good time, call Jasmine 1
Boys Vs girls game 341
What is your favorite colour house 667

2. Test your curricular side. Take quizzes. Find out which Chuck Norris fact describes you best. Share it with the world. And your take on it.


[your comment]
[quiz name and result]
[others' comments]


Kamlesh Shah I am sorry for taking so much quizes.

You took the ' Which Ace detective are you?' quiz. The result was The Green Hornet. You are a sensitive individual. You show remarkable intelligence and your friends look to you for assistance when in trouble. You are resourceful and committed to your work. You are fairly conversant with computers. You like music and have a heart of gold. Some people do not like you but your friends like you. You wear a green mask and have a martial artist for a man friday.

Jake Stubbins and 3 others like this.

Jake Stubbins at 1:34 am
Cool buddy! :)

1. Assert your uniqueness on your profile. State clearly what the world should think of you. Facilitate their absolute lack of perception. This is your primary aid.


be creative



Relationship status: Its complicated
Phone number: cal me i wil tel u
email: mail me i wil tell u
hometown: Bhopal
Interests: cricket, reading
Sports: Cricket
Books: All wodehouse and harry potter Dan brown booksssssss
Music: dream theatre, iron maiden, metallica, godsmack, rammstein, journey, ac/dc, children of bodom, slayer, poets of the fall, slipknot, pearl jam, black sabbath, hell's angels, rasmus, marilyn manson, Diamond head, Kreator, Destruction, Megadeth, Shadows Fall, All That Remains, Killswitch Engaged, Silent Civilian, Dragonforce, Poison, Biohazard, Kill them all, Vomit eaters, Axe in my head, Judas Priest, Motley Crue, Rage against the Machine, White Zombie to name a few
Food: all types i am a major foodie.
about me: i am not your average guy. I am a rebel. I am idiosyncratic and irrascibal. but i am also very sensitive on the inside. i give a lot of love and expect back also.

lIFe iZ A GamE aNNd I mA PlaYaH


Congratulations. You are now truly unique.

Friday, April 17, 2009


We are informed that the person involved is a PhD candidate in the department of Opthalmology

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Quantum Karma

Yes, Karma is like the free market. It solves everything. Even if you are atheist you have to believe in it because it is completely scientific. It is only chaos theory explained more modestly by the vedas by high-end theoretician rishi-munis of the past yugas.

The easiest way to prove karma is a thought experiment. I use one for two reasons:

1. A thought experiment is limited by only your imagination. You can have honest politicians and open source windows.

2. It can make me famous. Descartes' mind, Maxwell's demon and Schrödinger's pussycat are evidence to that.

The current limit of microscopy is only to atomic resolution. So I borrow the binoculars that telugu RAW enforcer Kamal Hassan used from a helicopter to see virus multiplication in the villain's blood from a mile away for my purpose. I sit down and zoom in on my knee. Tissue resolution. BANG.Cellular resolution. BANG. Molecular resolution. BANG. Atomic resolution. BANG BANG. Sub-atomic resolution. BANG BANG BANG. quarks.

And there you see colored balls. You see rubbing charged clouds that are moving around. Zoom further. BANG. You see fast moving undulations on the surface. You press the slow-mo button. There, the traffic's better. Zoom further. You see something that looks like the Florida keys on the surface. Zoom further and you see a orange brick building. Zoom further and you see yourself.

Yes that is the truth. There is no Scientology and there is no Vedanta. There is no 42 and there is no spoon. There is only circularization in the 11th dimension. And that pretty much answers everything. Move your right arm and signal a no ball and the model you see through the lens does it too. Every surface element on every quark on every atom in every cell of your body has you and others in it. You influence it extraneously by your daily actions. Confusing, yes but nevertheless cool.

Each different quark from each atom of each cell is a different dimension in the 5th and the 6th level borne out of your decisions and actions. Some fall off when they are meaningless (google: Cell Death). Some remain all your life. Your cellularity increases with your age and but when you hit old age the dimensions converge and the count comes down. Fascinating.

This is why a sub-atomic model looks like the picture of a galaxy. This is why the hindu, sumerian and aztec scriptures have unraveled science without current technology. This is why the force of faith works, cancers are cured and idols drink 2% milk.

This is how the stars control you. This is how astrology is true. Since sub-molecular resolution imaging requires a mathematical lens (google: diffraction theory), obviously astrology uses its inverse fourier transforms to unravel the future and stays accurate within its error bars. And here's the clincher. Hindu science says that there are 7 janmas (births) and hindi movies say that there are always 7 identical people on the earth. Add two and two and insert this theory.

Yeah, I know.

This is how everything is overlying as well as underlying. This is why all races and religions are equal and yet different. This is why there is ONE god. This even verifies a satanist's concept of one being one's own god. This is how your actions reach back to you and to others by spectral means.

I hope this has inspired you to be more inventive, progressive yet accommodative in your thought. Don't bash religion just because it has loose ends. Solve the problem the scientific way and be creative. I am sure I have summed only a small fraction of the potential of this theory and more threads can be tied together if more minds are applied. You are welcome to add some azure notes that promote this wonderful ideology and make benifit glorious nation of Kazhakistan.

-The blue blog cult. No if. No but. sirf nut...

Thursday, April 09, 2009

ten practical reasons to switch to linux (for the non-programmer/ordinary don't run away on seeing the title)

Rules for me:
-The twisted world assumes that ideological = impractical. Therefore I will not invoke ideological debates on FOSS and corporate monopoly.
-Being better than the worst does not make you good. Therefore no comparisons will be made with windows vista. Though I thank it profusely for driving me into linux.

Hem, hem...Ten practical reasons.

10. Every average piece of software that you use on linux IS FREE. You may choose to purchase specific software suites like research imaging software but for everyday purposes, everything is free. This includes the operating system. You do not have to spend a dime on anything beyond your hardware. Ubuntu linux, in fact, is shipped for free as well when you order it.

9. Any software that you need is available in a single descriptive repository program called the package manager. All you would have to do is check what you wish to install from the list and once you are done the software gets downloaded and installed automatically and in one shot without going through a host of checks and options. Any software. You do not have to go online and search webpages for legal software and download and install each individually. There is nothing like a trial or partial version. The repositories are maintained free of malware so you don't have to worry about them. Just check off the list and it is delivered full and safe. And free.

8. The functioning is faster. The installation is faster. The internet is faster. It is just much simpler and better organized than anything else that you are currently using. A Mac definitely gets close because of its unix core but linux is the gold standard for speed because it manages even a heterogenous set of programs better. RAM utilization is excellent so you don't have to keep buying new chips every year. Recommended (basic is even lesser) system requirements match those of windows and mac from 5 years ago. And it is free.

7. Upgrade to new versions of programs and even operating systems seamlessly in minutes. Synchronize all your data online automatically without a click.

6. Middle click to copy and paste. If you do not find it more addictive than tabbed browsing then I will switch to Windows Vista for the rest of my life.

5. Eye candy. Yes, Eye candy. For those that value appearance and aesthetics, Compiz on linux is more customizable, use oriented and visually stunning than Aero or Aqua. In addition, the physics are spot on as made note of by experts. And it is free.

4. No you do not have to learn to use terminals and write programs. Yes you have a GUI with buttons and hyperlinks with easy options. Yes linux is compatible with almost every piece of hardware unless you are evil and tailor make it to be Windows only only only. It runs on Mac and on a pc to the full. I think someone actually managed to make it run on a toaster. And yes, it is free.

3. Customize. Integrate. Don't do what the program allows you to. Tell the program what you want. Tailor your desktop to look like a mac or a windows or a unique hybrid interface that suits your mood and whim. Work a web page like a program from your computer. Automate a sequence of unrelated programs and name it after your girlfriend. Delete anything including the start menu button and the dock. Create a hundred other things that you prefer in its place. Run windows games and even office 2007 or 2008. Make and break doors, walls and windows.
Windows does not do it. Mac tries. Linux delivers. For free.

2. One stop solutions. You have one player that plays all breeds of music and videos. One ripper for all purposes. One IM that covers everything. And it need not be an i-something. Pick what you prefer. Yeah, free.

1. Control. Liberty. Independence.

Rules for you:
-read without fear
-think without fear
-live without fear.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Average Monday

It is 6:30 am. You jump start your day by cart-wheeling out of bed and smoothly landing next to your alarm clock. You stop its tantrums, grab a towel and get washed, cleaned and dressed. You wolf down a bowl of cereal grab your essentials and head out to lab. It is a beautiful day and everything outside looks surreal. You jaunt down the walkway as you turn on the music. 'Bhor aayi gaya andhiyara' floats into your ears. It is perfect.

It is 7:15 am. You walk into lab, open the -20, get out a frozen cell pellet and put it in the water bath. You head to your desk where two screens of floating 3D bubbles suddenly switch to a login screen as you roll your fingers over the mouse. You want to start your perfect day with checking the news, mail and sporting highlights. John walks into your room and sees you, looks at his watch, smirks and walks away. You look at him, turn back to your screen and smile to yourself. He's not going to ruin this monday. Yeah.

It is 7:45 am. The mail has been marked as read. Some have been responded to. Nothing new in sports or world news. You interlock your fingers and bend them till you hear eight cracking effects in unison. Work begins.

It is 8:45 am. Every one else pours into lab and wishes you a good morning. You pull off your head phones and wish them back. You stop scaling the data that you were at and start discussing with them, your ideas on the idiots of the world.

It is 9 am. Rob walks in with a tall mug of coffee. 'He drinks too much coffee for a Brit', you tell yourself for the nth time. Rob claps his hands and announces, 'protein group meeting'. You grab your notebook and walk over to the meeting desks.

It is 9:30 am. You have to leave for Dr. Muzyczka's Advanced Virology class. But you also want to just leave the lab and run away. John told the others about how you showed up at 7:15 am. Kat raised her eyebrows, Jeanne laughed and Rob nearly spilt his coffee. You gave an uneasy smile and said you do come in early sometimes. They laugh harder. It dies down and the meeting resumes. Near the end Rob says, "The ones of you that are really cool would...". Jeanne buries herself further into her arms, Kat looks straight up at the ceiling and John tilts his chair back further. Rob looks at you and smiles. You open your mouth in horror. He hands you a small list of high school student names and tells you about how they will visit the lab and look to you for a 2 hour tour of the facility. You curse yourself. You want to run away. Rob realizes your plight and smiles wider. John smiles too and Kat gets back to looking around the table. You want to run away. Yeah.

It is 10:30 am - You spent an hour in Dr. Muzyczka's class learning how to tilt your chair on one leg without holding the table. You grab a tall cup of hot chocolate from Starbucks on your way back to lab. You enter and notice that the morning's excitement has died down. People are briskly walking around with gloved hands and others are peering into lines and lines of codes and numbers on their computer screens. You head silently to yours, open a terminal and resume your scaling. You take breaks to go to your wetlab bench and work on the cell pellet.

It is 12:30 pm - Your data scaling has progressed. The cell debris has been seperated from the supernatent. Rob walked in 3 times and informed you that he has emailed you something that he also tells you in person. You nod away to the side and see Kat and Jeanne head out for lunch. You join them and walk over to the cafeteria.

It is 1:00 pm - Life is not fair at all. Tina needed the cells that you had lysed because the virus in them was a mutant virus and not the wild type that you expected it to be. She apologizes to you for not labeling the tube. You get a fleeting image of mahatma gandhi in your head and tell her that she can of course have the sample. She smiles at you and thanks you. You walk back to your desk in the manner of a saint that gave up the last of his clothes to a freezing man. Tina thanks you again and smiles at you. You wave your hand and smile like a good king and sit down at your desk. Tina thanks you again and smiles at you. Something is wrong. It took you too long to realize that it was quite a foolish move to do that in front of the rest of the lab. Everyone else is grinning away too. John turns around, looks at you and a broad grin opens up on his face and mutters, "Waitaminnit. You did that all morning and it wasn't wild type?". He is evil. Rob walks in, smells the air, turns to you and smiles almost identically. You curse both of them and make a mental note to enter their email addresses at a porn site database. On second thoughts, you decide to enter the entire lab's set of email addresses at a porn site database. With the exception of yourself.

It is 2:30 pm - You download the paper that is to be discussed at Crystallography journal club and read through it carefully. You take short breaks in the middle where you stare around at what the others are doing and check your mail.

It is 2:55 pm - You have finished reading the paper. You look up at the Chuck Norris poster that you got on your birthday, grab your laptop and join the rest of the bunch as the head out for journal club.

It is 4 pm - Journal club was fun. Your spirits return. You check your mail. You call the racquetball club and book a court for 6 pm. You do not want to work now so you join the rest of the bunch as they crack jokes on Rob and ridicule his accent. You join in and use the chance to call Rob a few names as Rob sighs silently and takes the hits. You realize that Rob will never be the bully of the lab. Ever.

It is 5 pm - You walk to Mavis' room and tell her about your day's progress. You nearly talk to her for 45 minutes before you realize that you have to run to racquetball. You grab your shoes and break into a trot as you head up the hill.

It is 7 pm - Racquetball was a blast. You won the series 3-2. You walk home, get a shower and make some spaghetti. You eat it slowly as you check on recent videos on youtube. After that you grab a cup of Yoghurt and settle on the couch and watch Sportscenter on TV.

It is 8 pm - You head back to lab. Its quiet. Nobody is here. You flip on the lights in your room and get back to work. You turn on the music. It was a good idea to rummage through the old computer equipment to find these speakers. People randomly walk in and out of lab. You briskly walk get some purification done and refine data.

It is 11 pm - You head back home and speak to Subbu along the way. You then speak to mom and dad on skype for 10 minutes, do the dishes, clean up, grab your psp and turn on some comedy videos and flop on the bed. You are asleep in 3 minutes.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Brand Espousal

Cell phone - Sony Ericsson

Gaming Console - Nintendo Wii

Portable Console - Sony PSP

Guitars - Ibanez

OS - Gentoo, Ubuntu, SUSE

Shoes - Adidas

NCAA team - Florida Gators

IPL team - Mumbai Indians

Colour - Blue

Racquets - Wilson

Bats - Gunn & Moore long handles with wide grips

Clothing - Provogue, Gior Dano

Input accessories - Logitech

Music Directors - Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy, John Williams

Movies - Excel Entertainment

Shaving accessories - Gillette

Cars - Maruti

Shades - Police

Bikes - Mongoose

Headphones - Motorola

Memory - Western Digital, San Disk

Music - Carnatic, Heavy Metal

Games - Parker Brothers, Milton Bradley

Other Games - Maxis, Ubisoft

Rice - Ponni

Bath - Herbal Essences

Theme parks - Disney, Essel

Winter wear - Columbia

Watches - Timex

Tools - Black & Decker

Chips - Tostito's

Kitchenware - Corelle

Stationary - Camlin, Reynolds

Colors - Crayola

Chocolate - Cadbury's

Photography Cameras - Nikon

Video Cameras - Sony

Lighting - Philips

Washing Machine - Siemens

Refrigerator - Godrej

Language - Urdu

Salad needs - Bertolli

Computers - Sony, Dell

Amplifiers - Stranger

Speakers - Kenwood

Baggage - Swiss gear

Monitors - Samsung

TVs - Toshiba

Digital Clocks - Radioshack

PSC's - HP

Film - Kodak

Batteries - Duracell

Animation - Disney

Card - Visa Electron

Candy - Alpenliebe, Hajmola

Television - Shankar Nag

Dental needs - Oral B, Colgate

Wood - Rosewood

Floors - Polished tile

Soda - Pepsi

Tyre - MRF

Two-wheelers - Bajaj

Scent - Sandalwood

- material side

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Practical homophobia

Top Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong (most of these aren't mine - the ones that are, are marked *)

17. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

16. Gay culture is a new fad created by the liberal media to undermine long-standing traditions. We know this is true because gay sex did not exist in ancient Greece and Rome.

15. There are plenty of straight families looking to adopt, and every unwanted child already has a loving family. This is why foster care does not exist.

* Of course the leading cause of sexually transmitted diseases is gay marriage and the epidemic doom of humans will come from its proliferation.

14. Conservatives know best how to create strong families. That is why it is not true that Texas and Mississippi have the highest teen birthrates, and Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire have the lowest. This is a myth spread by the liberal media.

13. Marriage is a religious institution, defined by churches. This is why atheists do not marry. Christians also never get a divorce.

12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why our society has no single parents.

* Hormones are perfectly regulated to attract opposite sexes. That is why males don't have estrogen and females don't have testosterone.

11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.

7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

*Homosexuality does not exist in animals. It is of evil liberal make. Animals observed in such acts are merely...well they are not the same as humans.

6. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because "separate but equal" institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.

5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

1. Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Idealism comes in three. The Superman type, the Batman type and the fool type. Anything else is not idealism, period.

The Superman type: You're a Scout/guide. You have had a secure, uninfected, uncompromising yet simple childhood. Despite this your idealism exists because you just want to the right thing and be a good person. You care about animals, near extinction on not.

You would get depressed if someone called you a hypocrite. You believe in an inherent good in people that you strive to promote. You are a bright cheerleader. The people that hate you are insecure and unpopular jerks.

Rules and laws don't tell you what is right. You are beyond national boundaries. Your guiding morals are conduct, deed and ethics in that order. Your line of thought is older and bigger than religion or logic. Your fear of failure keeps you humble.

You do not advocate or propagate on your own. You have nothing to convince or prove. You only know how to choose the right thing to do. You are complex in thought and simple in deed. You are a happy person because you are content with what you have but not with what you can do.

You do have likes and dislikes. You do get angry. But neither traits come in the way of the choices that you make. Your image may not matter to you but what a random person thinks of you does.

You cannot rule a real nation because you cannot support armies, trials, death penalties or compromising deadlocks. You would accept that some people may never change but you will only resort to stopping them every time they attempt to do a wrong. Male or female, you are a feminist.

You name your children after deceased friends. You are detached in your thought process but deeply attached by heart. You can be fooled twice.

You are an optimist. You smile. You play with children and tell them stories. You do not know how to argue though you can fight. You are old fashioned at any age. You hum because music is life's biggest gift to you.

Real example: Rabindranath Tagore

The Batman type: You find the solution because every problem has one. You have lost something to an evil that you have resolved to save others from. You will never cross the law to achieve it though you may cross a line.

You are a single-minded achiever. You do not care about the praise you get. You do not care about they score you make. You do not care about what anyone thinks. You do not care about what you are perceived to be. You do not care about how many enemies you make or how many friends you lose.

You will never strike to kill. But you will not lament a death. You eat compromises for lunch. You think and work alone. Nobody is sure of who you are. Propaganda is not beyond you but you will not voice it and risk anonymity.

You are alone but not lonely. You love but never allow friends or relatives. You take great responsibility and that gives you great power. You speak little. You think in logic. You keep allies but work alone.

You have conquered anger, fear and religion because they make you weak and you use the same against what you attack. You are spiritual. You do not trust. You do not assure. You are never understood. You are never fooled.

Your goal is to achieve ends and for that you will sacrifice. You never smile for it it would break your adamantine discipline. You have long term thoughts.

You can control and administer with an iron hold. You are socialist but not democratic. You do not stand for heritage or history. You are a soldier by choice and never a ruler even by force. You will never bent even if broken.

Real Example: Bhagat Singh

The fool type: You have morals. You are steadfast and unquestioning. You are humble and never indulgent. You cannot tolerate insolence. You cannot tolerate sacrilege. You are not lazy. You seek like minded individuals and preach your thought widely. You voice your opposition to what is wrong and support those who do the same. You feel threatened. You sense great evil is to happen. The foolhardiness of the world irks you. Your faith, nation, ethnicity and emotion guide your choices.

Real Examples: Anyone you know that has eyes but refuses to see

Friday, February 27, 2009

There was a time when...

If I ever lose track, this will remind me...
  • When I was 14, I shoplifted food products on a daily basis with trusted accomplices.
  • I was 6 when I first beat Prince of Persia and within a couple of months I was able to complete it within 20 minutes...reproducibly.
  • I enjoyed embroidery when I was 8. My mother approved because she was a broad-minded person.
  • I excelled at making rudely-worded parodies of popular Hindi numbers with a partner in crime when I was 13. We are still very proud of it.
  • I was goalkeeper for the school football team when I was 9. We lost our first and last game 5-0 and I scored one goal.
  • I read my first non-pictorial classic – Moby Dick - when I was 6. I read my last – The Coral Island when I was 11.
  • I have wanted to be a teacher/scientist ever since...well actually thats all I've ever wanted to be.
  • When I was 13, my 11-year old sister was an inch taller than me and my best friend took special notice of that. I grew in late spurts.
  • I learnt what the fear of death was when I turned 8. The Latur earthquake woke me up in the wee hours of the morning and I felt it for a whole 3 minutes.
  • When I was 10, neck springs and hand springs took me the effort of dropping a pen. When I had to prove it to my friends at the age of 14...
  • When I was 9, I made a superhero character for myself and called it Sharkanian (Shar-cane-yan) because I had pointier canines back then. I had a proper costume with a blue cape and leggings and a mask (modified from Cathay Pacific's original makes). I wore the costume everyday and took particular delight in making a superhero appearance in front of mom's guests. I even wrote and directed a skit to be played at a get-together complete with the background score taken from Danny Elfman's creation for Batman that my dad recorded for me. It was shot down for lack of superpowers and structure in the script.
  • My tally of head injuries demanding stitches is 9. I still have the scars and bald spots.
  • When I was 7, I regularly beat people up for fun during lunch break. The victims took it quite well. It was our fight club.
  • I was quite convinced that I was a good sprinter when I was 15. I raced everyday and clocked 12 seconds. I told the faster runners that I was more of the long distance types.
  • I climbed my first tree when I was 6. My parents were very pleased. My previous attempt at climbing was head injury demanding stitches number 2.
  • When I was 13, I got inspired by the Parker Brothers and made my own WWE-themed board game that was loosely similar to Dungeons and Dragons. My dad critically acclaimed the effort and said that I should attempt to focus on educational value on my next project.
  • I learnt Sindarin when I was 16 just because I wanted to escape to a new world.
  • I held a green belt in Taek-won-do when I was 9. I was not the best student.
  • I have been wary and fearful of girls ever since the age of 12. I still think that it makes me cool.
  • I have never had a tooth cavity that required filling. Until two months ago.
  • My most recurring nightmare is being back in SYJC and failing the board exam. Until the age of 17 it was being dragged butt-naked through the dead marshes to Mordor.
  • I did not know competition (healthy and unhealthy) until the age of 20.
  • I ranked 27th in the state in a scholarship exam when I was 12. And lost the mark-sheet.
  • My dad bought our first car when I was 7. It was by far our coolest car because it was Aquamarine. Every car after that has been white or something duller.
  • I fractured my right pinky in school after slipping and falling over water that I spilt myself when I was 11. It was my first and only fracture. I wanted to tell mom that a bus ran over it but muttered the truth and ran to my room in agony. For the next 2 months I learnt to write with two fingers and wrote an exam that way.
  • I lost my last three milk teeth when I was 14 on three consecutive days during school hours. The girls laughed at me and my patient orthodontist was relieved that he could get started on fitting my braces.
  • When I was 12, I once dreamt of a water-filled glass commentary box and a hole cracked on its bottom side. I woke up and thought over it and mentally derived Toricelli's Theorem. I described it to dad the next morning. His response was that I was already well established and that I should think about finishing my milk.
  • I took my first photograph when I was 7 on a National analog 56. It was perfect for the first 5 minutes after which my curious sister succeeded in opening the rear compartment of the camera.
  • I first saw the Adam West take on Batman and Robin when I was 8. Even back then I thought it was sad, stupid and funny.
  • I learnt to spell my name completely when I was 5. It took me a whole of 15 minutes as I walked home from school with mom.
  • I have smashed my nails on every one of my fingers (and 4 toes) and have had them regrow.
  • When I was 13, I read the first Harry Potter book because my dad bought it for me from a trip to Hong Kong and liked it. I had no idea it would get this famous right then.
  • Back when I was 14, my friends said that they would give me an over to bowl only if I bowled faster. I defended myself by saying that I was a leg spinner, hoping that they wouldn't have noticed my medium pace action and hold on the ball. I didn't get my over. I practiced leg spin for two months after that and returned to bowl a guy out on a wide delivery on my very first ball.
  • I made a drawing for a Camlin competition when I was 7. The title was 'What I want to be when I grow up' and the best works were to be put on display in an exhibition. Back then, the only sophisticated job title I knew was training manager since my dad was one. I included the title in my artwork and handed it over and came home and told my parents. They laughed at me in the same fashion that people who know me generally laugh at me. Well know what happened. I got a cert for my artwork and it was put up in the first row of the gallery.
  • I learnt to read Tamil when I was 18. It was an entirely solo effort and my study material comprised only of bus labels and movie posters.
  • I have read a total of 2 Enid Blyton books so far. After I figured out the sick logic in describing picnic food to young kids, I couldn't enjoy it anymore.
  • I made my first seminar with transparencies at the age of 12 for a history class. I had to describe the works of Raja Ram Mohun Roy and dad refused to print photographs on a transparency for me so I exercised my drawing skills.
  • When I was 13, I once chose to jump off the first floor to convince my friends that I was badass. An audience of 6 peers came to watch and waited for half hour as I was making all my mental preparations from the ledge that I was to jump off of. Finally one of the audience members, came up to the ledge and slid off its end and made a perfect landing after which I clambered slowly off the ledge and let go of it and landed. I assure you that still is as badass as it gets.

- Aamchi Jeeva, Aamcha Vela