Monday, December 20, 2010

Virudhagiri – An unquick review.

Right from the first animation sequence describing Captain Cine Arts – I realized that I was witnessing Captain's next magnum opus. To do proper justice to it, this review will be a running twitterish commentary on key points in the movie as they happen as I watch.

  • Title song just blow everything that M. G. Ramachandran and a certain Mr. Gaekwad did out the window and the audience's brains. Of course SPB had to sing it.
  • Captain just made and entry and quickly told the Aussies/English/Tamil-toting Caucasian bobbies to chill out while he shows some Tamilnaad swagger. Yes!
  • Captain just explained his Holmes-grade teeviravadhis identification strategy. Only captain can make us awe his mental and sentimental faculties at the same time.
  • Captain returns to Chennai and the media surrounds him. Of course he does not like praise you idiot of a reporter. That is why the title song was so subtle.
  • Arunachaleshwara/Virudhagireeshwara has been invoked, may kickassery prevail. Was that the Obama – yes we can logo on the drum?!
  • Captain has made his classic thoppi and thoppai entry. Another quick deduction on attacks on indian students abroad coated again with the warmth of culture sentiment.
  • The flirtatious bimbo is his niece?! I thought...never mind. One can note that this is an off-beat captain movie – the lady love is not yet in the plot half hour in.
  • The pace is now slowing down to calm the audience's raging blood pressure. Captain has to stop this international organ trafficking nexus. And Chokkan 65.
  • Makkal police shows shows off his drosophila dietetics. On an interesting side note, wood can buffer the smell of rotting corpses. From everyone except captain.
  • I love the cleverly concealed captain political propaganda. It sends a nice chalkboard-scratching shiver though the body every fifteen seconds.
  • Great world unity touch. Malay guy with fake American accent in Australia/Malaystralia but knows tamil.
  • Intermission rang in with a great punch translation off of Neeson's Taken. Of course captain will take out the 'Albanian international terrorist' the right way. With his eyes.
  • Captain has an estimated 96 hours (from a reliable Tamilnaad police source) to save his niece before she is sold to Jabba the Hutt. Time to make a straight beeline to Malay fake accent guy.
  • Next up, drop in on old crooked accomplice from Scotland Yard where they trained together. Who else but Arun Pandian.
  • I like the awesome tamil (the most noble language in the world) touch all over the movie. Everyone including the Malay/Australian translator (speaks 46 languages) is more comfortable with tamil than any other language.
  • 35 hours left. Looks like captain's still got a lot of punch dialogue in him left. Thappu seiyaravanga dhan da thappikanum.
  • I am from tamilnadu bolice”. “Naanum tamilnadu dhan saar”. Hard to watch captain hold back his paternal affection through his gentle investigation.
  • More aascar winning dialogue - “Indha visiting card dhan en aayudham”.
  • I just realized very late that this movie is actually an englipis movie dubbed to tamil with captain doing his own voice dubbing! Facepalm
  • Captain breaks the villain boy with his englipis shock treatment. Hard to say if the current or the dialogue is doing the trick (Wonly you gan say goodlack? That goodlack has wonly begum yuvar bad lack).
  • Final plot exposed: 'Albanian international terrorist' got this entire racket going because he's jealous that India has IPL and Issarrai. Indrresting.
  • A dojen awesome gapten calisthenics later, Inshallah! Villain is defeat. Nobdy can rock the trenchgoat and glaus like gapten!

WOW! A sunday afternoon that I would have wasted on CTF correction, I have now spent productively. Recommended for all like minded individuals.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

I have the need etc...etc.

So I was driving Srividya back to MCO this afternoon. I had the car cruising at 75 mph on the 70 mph limit I-75. 'Anjane' by Strings was playing on the speakers and we were taking in the pretty Florida wetland scenery. Suddenly, Mr. Know-it-all driver on a chromed-out metallic green suv, zipped into the extreme left lane right behind me. He waited about five whole seconds after which he cut into the middle lane with the deft skill of a seasoned freeway zipper and sped up to level with me. He then let out a shrill horn blare to let me know what he thought of me as he readied himself to gain velocity and leave me coughing in his awesomeness dust.

Exactly then I heard a familiar siren go off somewhere behind me with some all-american light effects. A green and white car with 'SHERIFF' displayed proudly on one side closed in right behind Mr. know's chrome monster. The latter slowed down as it crossed out much more respectfully to the extreme left part of the road with torn tyre bits on it. As I passed Mr. know, I vaguely caught him punching his steering wheel. I gave him my eastwoody smile, adjusted my glasses and continued to MCO at 75 mph.

Peace out.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Since I don't do drugs I did these today.

City of Blinding Lights - U2

Kula Shaker Govinda
Uploaded by ronaldmacdonald33. - See more comedy videos.

Govinda - Kula Shaker

Reptilia - The Strokes

Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins

Pottu vaitha - Singaravelan

Thursday, September 02, 2010

You gotta fight, for your right, to sma-a-a-rty!

Your world really is not that competitive. It simply is not.

There is a statistic that says something like if you have a room over your head, clothes to wear at the moment and two square meals for today, then you are richer than 75% of the world. If you are reading this, you are one of them. You do not have to the need to be this competitive.

You work hard to stay ahead of the rest, cover your tracks, "do what you gotta do", hide your cards, suck-up and does that vault you over the so-called competition? Rhetorical question. No It does not. You end with the same job at the next platform as Mr. Numskull.

Is the world really short of jobs? No, it just never needed that many engineers or mba's. There are only so many lofty positions but there are plenty of positions for which the demand will never die out. You will never look at them so the world seems short.

Does zipping in traffic, overtaking from the blind-side, running traffic signals, going the wrong way and being a speed demon really enhance the quality of your life? You save a measly five minutes with your risky antics that may have actually claimed someone's life by the time you read this. The five minutes you saved are not going to add on. You do not wake up five minutes earlier the next day.

Do not legitimatize it. It won't work unless you want to prove for real what a misanthrope's view is of the human condition.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

On Socialism

Manohary came up with an interesting point the other day,

"Most god-fearing and religion abiding citizens of the world believe in charity and service. How is it, therefore, that we find them opposed to racial, social and economic socialism? Can they not treat socialism as a form of charity and service to the poor?"

Your witness.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Spread the word

Pro-style or spread offense?

The spread offense has been given this brash new upstart persona even though the concept has been around for close to a century. It could be because most of the teams that are emerging in recent years to national prominence are mostly employing some form of the spread. Or it could be because most opinions on a spread offense are at extreme ends - it either works wonders or fails miserably. Pro-style offensive systems are a lot less under fire with them being called dinosaurs at worst.

The incorrect use of the words spread and shotgun interchangeably can really be confusing. Though the basics of the spread offense starts at the offensive formation, it is not about how the snaps are taken. Both pro-style and spread offenses can be run out of the I-formation, the shotgun or what have you. A pro-style offense is about balance. It is about utilizing your talent to beat the opponent. Whether the QB takes the snap under center or in the shotgun, it is how he goes through his reads and picks the right receiver to pass to. It is about how the receivers' complicated yet complete route running skills are utilized. It is about how you play physical smash mouth football to beat the opponent. The focal point of a spread offense on the other hand is to create mismatches and open routes up for running or passing the ball.

A spread running offense primarily utilizes the read option to create mismatches either in size or speed. For success in that set, nimble speedy backs, big-sized pass catching tight ends and a quarterback who can also run the ball would be ideal. The 2009 Florida Gators team is a typical example of a spread run-first offense with speedy backs in Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey, a big sure-handed tight end in Aaron Hernandez and a running QB in Tim Tebow. A spread passing offense on the other hand focusses on using a stable talented receivers with a quick releasing and accurate QB. These offenses tend to create big passing numbers by beating the secondary with speed, size and sound catching ability. Most passes are quick and sometimes premeditated, before the pass rush gets to the QB. Most of the successful big 12 teams use this style but a typical example is the the 2007 and 2008 Texas Tech Red Raiders team with Michael Crabtree and Graham Harrell putting up some serious numbers.

A pro-style offense can also depend more on the run or passing ability based on personell and the nature of the defense. A typical run-based pro-style offense would be the 2009 Alabama Crimson Tide team which won the national championship despite only 58 passing yards in the game. The victory was all about the supremely talented Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson breaking through tackles and running straight through defenders. A typical pro-style passing offense would be the 2009 Notre Dame team with QB Jimmy Clausen, WRs Golden Tate and Michael Floyd and TE Kyle Rudolph. Clausen put up big passing numbers with Golden Tate winning a number of close games but the Irish defense failed to show up through the season.

The success of a spread offense would definitely depend on how good the players are and how effectively they suit the system but it also depends critically on how many mismatches are possible with a given defense. And because of that it is true to a certain extent that a primarily spread-based offense may not succeed as an NFL system. However the spread systems cannot be simply dismissed that way.

The reason for the feeling that a spread may have limited success in the NFL goes back to the original focal point of a spread offense. To create mismatches. Now a spread offense where Jeff Demps was faster, Hernandez was bigger and Tebow was more powerful than most defenders allowed the gator offense to sneak past most college defenses where many players are simply average quality or lesser but talent-loaded NFL teams with defenders that have Tebow's size and close to Demps' speed (the kid is really the fastest!) would not have a very hard time stopping at least Demps (Tebow is still more powerful) and handicapping the spread attack. This is evidenced by how the speed of Demps and Rainey were negated by top defenses like Alabama. A top-quality secondary with ball hawks like Troy Polamalu would make life extremely difficult for Graham Harrell or Colt Brennan's passing ability with both speed, size and power in the secondary. The bottom line is that there are few cracks in an NFL defense to exploit because they are made of the choicest players.

However still, there are a number of myths about spread offenses and spread offense players that are unnecessarily out there. For starters, there was a belief that talent in a spread offense, especially from a QB or WR spot does not translate to the NFL; the big numbers generated are simply side-effects of the system against bad defenses. While it is true that pro-style routes and progressions are very different from the spread, and some NFL teams may like players with experience in pro-style routes, it still does not negate the ability of a player to adapt to a new playing style. The top rookie receivers from the 2009 NFL draft - Jeremy Maclin, Michael Crabtree and Percy Harvin all came from spread offenses and had decent success with one of them even winning rookie of the year. Vince Young with his exceptional running and passing ability won similar honors in his rookie year and now is the starting QB for the Tennessee Titans. There are numerous such examples of non-prototypical players who have come through by sheer talent and ability. It was believed that Urban Meyer's spread experiment at Florida in 2005 would never work against SEC defenses. Suffice to say 5 years later that Urban's offenses are not doubted so much anymore.

So is a pro-style better than a spread offense? The 2009 Crimson Tide team after demolishing the Gators at the SEC championship would certainly like to claim so. But a match-up the previous year between more or less the same roster ended with a win for the spread-happy Gators. The 2009 Oregon Ducks offense was all over a well-rated USC Trojan defense while the acclaimed Trojan offense with Damien Williams, Joe McKnight and Allen Bradford could barely get within 30 points of the Ducks. The plays are call to the players strengths but it is who played well on that day and made the catches, tackles and runs.

A match-up of different playing styles only creates intrigue and nothing more. Whether you run the pro-style, the west coast, the run-option, the air-raid, the triple threat, the run and shoot, the wildcat or simply mix it up, make sure you bring your best on gameday because that is all that matters.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

"All the same"

Amongst a dozen other things, sensitivity fail.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

"This is my daughter...from the US." "Oh my son-in-law too..."

A year ago, I had made a post confirming my revulsion with the induced overt-awe of an academic degree. Obviously there was more to the matter than what I picked up naively back then.


I had settled on the bean-bag after a power lunch to watch a matinee telecast of 'Veerasamy' on KTV with a bowl of jelly and a cold glass of mango juice in attire that would make Mahatma Gandhi proud. Mom and dad left to see someone and Pammi decided to give up on stealing the remote and retired for the afternoon. The bell rang A middle-aged couple with their smatter-stache tall-than-me high school son showed up to see the apartment we planned to rent out. I was a bit twitched about being interrupted but tiwo had finally made it to Tata Sky cable so I led them towards the apartment, remote in hand.

"Hi, I am buzz-buzz-blah", said the gentleman as he shook my bony hand and took notice of my skinny build. His wife nodded and his son looked away. I lead them to the apartment and told them to feel free to look around as I parked on the sawdust-layered kitchen counter. The mom examined the apartment in great detail as they noted each point and nodded to herself and looked to the head of the house for his approval grunt. The son occasionally did a slight dance with his feet and said something to his dad, all the time looking at the ceiling. My saw-dust house sketch was nearly complete when the gentleman walked over to me and asked me, "Are there any elders in the house?".

To this day, I have always had the distinct privilege of receiving a semi-dismissive comment on my age and how it poorly fits my current degree of study when my parents introduce me to someone they know. But even as a hardened player, I was not happy about getting that from Mr. Buzz. I reached for my beard to stroke it but I realized that it had been discarded, in part to help me resemble my passport photo. Nevertheless, I was a 25-year old and I was going to stand up for myself.

"You can talk to me, I own this place" I said. Maybe I had over said something there in my moment of irritation. But I was still going to stick with it. I did not call you balding Mr. Buzz, even though I noticed it before I shook your hand.

But Mr. Buzz was not convinced at all. He still had control on the conversation. So he took a deep breath and let it out loudly and responded, " what is the rent?"

"We quoted it on the newspaper ad", I responded coolly.

Mr. Buzz gave a sly smile perfected by the average Indian negotiator and started, " I know but what is THE rent? See, basically I am from Mumbai. I have been living there for 20 years. I lived in Juhu. You know, Juhu beach? It is a posh area. We had a proper society apartment with amenities like a swimming pool and a club house. Even there I only paid 28,000."

A number of thoughts swam in my head. Alright Mr. Buzz. You have just knowingly or unknowingly, in perfect Indian fashion, thrown some mud on my ancestral home that we all blindly loved. Generations of our dogs have marked their ownership of this place with so much uric acid that it would fill your swimming pool a dozen times. The colony that you have somehow found your way to, is an equivalent to Pali Hill or Malabar Hill in Mumbai. And Juhu is NOT a posh area.

I gave a tired smile and responded, "Just tell me how much you wish to pay".

"Thirty thousand." He had read my expression and was now losing some of his confidence.

"Alright. Just give me your number. I have your name and your quote. If we decide to negotiate on the rent, we will get back to you." Mr. Buzz was visibly displeased with how he had to do this routine with a cold little skinny kid but I was the oldest person he was going to meet that afternoon. He said, "Ok" with a grunt towards the end and started heading out as the rest of the family shuffled after him slowly. I retured to the bean bag to continue what was left of my afternoon.


Four hours later, the phone bell rang as I just returned home from walking Scoobie. I picked it up,

"Good Evening."

"Uh. Hello?"

"Yes please?"

"Hi. My name is Mr. Buzz. I had come to see an apartment this afternoon."

"Yes Mr. Buzz. Tell me."

"Uh. Are there any elders around?"

I handed the phone to my father without a response and sped off to the kitchen to report to my mom on the caller. Dad joined us in a few seconds, "He is coming over to see us. Wear a shirt Harish."

I had stopped arguing with my parents a couple of years ago. I walked to my closet and returned in a t-shirt that misspelt New York and Brazil and had a tea stain on it. Mom and dad exchanged a glance but said nothing.


I was revising our photo album for the nth time. Scoobie and I had retired to my bedroom for similar reasons. Mr. Buzz had been sitting with dad and mom for the last half hour and judging from the level of noise and the topic of conversation, it was clear that they had hit it off well. The phone rang.

Mom answered, "Harish. Its Abi for you."

I cursed and sped out to pick the phone up and bring it back to my room. But mom had picked up the dusty, abandoned supply phone that could only be used the old fashioned way.

One ten-second phone call later, I quietly tried to slink away, when dad turned to me, "Harish...This is my son Harish. He is studying in the US too."


That was a chorus by both Mr. and Mrs. Buzz. Mrs. Buzz's expression turned from shock to one that reassured her that all the kids of these days end up there anyway and it was nothing special. Mr Buzz's expression turned from genuine shock to a substantial regret that dripped from his expression as he nearly dropped the dry snack he was holding. Sonny boy kept looking out the window at our neighbor's abandoned old garage.


Amongst other things that can be concluded from this post, I think now that it may have been interesting to rewind the evening situation to change what my dad said to, "This is my son Harish. He is pursuing a doctoral degree." I guarantee a lesser shock. It think it can sometimes be a bigger social deal to be elementary schooler in the USA rather than a graduate degree holder in India.

"Have you no ambition? Don't you want to study well, go abroad and make your country proud?"
-some nameless R.K. Laxman cartoon.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Matka calling the Kadhai black

Beneath the 'mind it's, rascallas and bright green clothes, there is a definite dose of spite and smugness that carries through with the bollywood perception of the south Indian movie industries (there are more then one and they are not the same, believe me). As much as I can justify the lack of quality in these other '-ollywoods', there is little that can save these smug faces from these monstrosities.
List of originally dreadful hindi box office hits:
This list is not complete! It is only a set of the most abominable movies that were not copied or inspired, that are considered to be popular hits among the self-stamped suave audience.
Just Missed it: Kaho naa...Pyaar hai
Ameesha Patel and Hrithik Roshan could have been just as famous modeling but they had to star in a movie and so you get their lackluster attempts to be cute. Hrithik did succeed but the results were not called cute. This movie however does not join the list because Hrithik Roshan set new levels for actors in physique and dancing abilities with this one. It made Govinda jump to politics.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Mujhe yeh dekhna hai ki meri aankhen tumhe kaise torture karti hain"

10. Karan Arjun
You should have gotten the idea when the heroes did not fight the villainous Amrish Puri well enough and died. But you stayed on the figure out the secret. How their powers were limited by their village garb and how pants, jackets and rebirth gave them a second chance at being macho. This movie would have been a critical hit if the villain had killed the irritating mom first (Rakhee Gulzar) and saved the more intelligent audience. But idiocy and Maa Kali prevailed and this apparition rocked the box office.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Mere bete aayenge"

9. Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum
I still can't believe that Khalid Mohammed gave this one five stars after he still held back one star for the 'Lagaan's and the 'Dil Chahta Hai's. That was the last day I read the Sunday Times of India. Back then, this was the most expensive Indian movie to date, primarily because of the glycerine costs. Karan Johar put together in random order, some baujis, kudis, rabs, saus, overacting and phoren locales and showered them in a thunderstorm of tears to create this piece of garbage that grossed more than those four stars put together. It is rumored that Kareena Kapoor was banned from the European Union after her attempts at an english accent.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Dharma Productions proudly present..."

8. Pardes
Subhash Ghai was never a quality director. He made movies for the sole purpose of making crappy cameos. His magnum opus before his next magnum opus was Pardes - deemed India's first movie made specially for NRI audiences. But even without the foreign exchange, this movie smashed box office records in all Indian sectors. Shahrukh Khan's overacting has always been ignored and largely appreciated by you but how could you have ignored the downright racist take on what cultures should be? For some reason this movie states that it was made to commemorate the 50th year of Indian independence though I am quite convinced that India will not survive to see 50 more if these movies are allowed to be made.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Sundar nahin bilkul bandar lag rahi ho"

7. Khiladiyon ka Khiladi
Aah yes, the movies that are made to cater to what the market likes. Raveena Tandon, Jai mata di, sleazy songs and wrestling. The then WWF had just exploded in India and Umesh Mehra (never made a buck again; not that he needed to though, thanks to you) capitalized. Outside the slight bit of logic where Akshay kumar survives a hovercraft running over him, this film is a three hour torture session with every actor looking their worst ever. The saving grace was some critically cited acting by the fake undertaker (Brian Lee) with the dialogue "Mujhse Panga"

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Tumne undertaker ka naam to suna hi hoga"

6. Om Shanti Om
The things that you can get away with in the hindi industry when you have an aging Shahrukh Khan and a pretty faced heroine. Shahrukh Khan was not satisfied with one bad rebirth movie so he made another one to return with a six-pack. Farah Khan had a winning formula with regurgitating bollywood logistics from the seventies so she got cocky and decided to step it up a bit further and insult some names from the era (read: Manoj Kumar). Serves you right Mr. Kumar for making patriotic movies.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost" (Oh no...)

5. Devdas
It is rather shameful that a substantial number of movies on this list are amongst the most expensive bollywood movies of their time. Okay, so this one was not originally bollywood but it had to figure on the list here because you spent money on watching this ghastly imitation of a brilliant novel. Overacting and more overacting. With lavish sets. Kiron Kher never got a decent movie after she made this.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"hum sab tumhari barbadi mein zimmedaar hain"

4. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
What is worse than the Kajol-Khan combo? Kajol Khan and a child artist that you want to strangle. National Award for best wholesome entertainer. That should be proof enough for how flawed the national award system is. So don't humor Saif Ali Khan the next time he says he has one.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"I don't like jokes. I don't like you."

3. Ajooba
Alright, so I am part of the cult that follows this movie too. But cult following does not have anything to do with box office success. This was the so-called western crossover movie of that time. Before the aged Rajnikanth and his peers, there was the aged Amit ji. Before the RA-one's, Krisshes and Sunny Deols there was Ajooba - the fantastic Robin-hoody goody superhero of Bahristan in medieval Arabia. Watch it someday.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Fauladi shaitan ko andha kar do"

2. Border
Jingoism. You make a video dictionary of the word and put any few minutes of the movie in it. Multiple bad actors alone cannot doom a movie, so you make them war heroes in a battlefield of testosterone, bash Pakistan and its people and claim that it is based on a real story. Don't watch it any day.

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"tumhe ulti kyon ho rahi hai?!"

1. Mohobbatein
Like you were expecting something else. Don't ever deny the fact that you saw this on the big screen; I will set my dog on your bed if you do. So the basic premise is discipline is bad and bringing scantily clad girls to a men's college is a good idea. Obviously Mr. Chopra, you had to use Shahrukh Khan - the awful hit maker - with a name starting with R, and feature five good looking kids and your neanderthal brother to launch him, but why did you have to oversimplify and kill tradition and discipline to make love look good? You have issues man. The worst thing about this movie is that my family spent 300 good rupees to see it and Scoobie was so pissed with it that he tore my dad's mattress that night. We have not seen a movie together ever since (well actually we did see Dasavatharam together after that, but that is another story for another day).

Dialogue that should have driven you away but did not:
"Happy Julaab day ji"

Saturday, April 17, 2010

What madness be this?

In the last couple of years, I have been quite appalled with this heavy ego in certain graduate students that I know of. Apparently it has something to do with the fact that they may possibly lay claim to a doctoral degree within the decade and therefore they claim to be more brainy that the no-you-can't-be-called-doctor world. However, despite my revulsion in the matter, this unavoidably makes me think of my own relative position in this spurious scale of smartness. Degrees alone do not satisfy me and therefore I have searched many months for a good defining test that would qualify me as a have-not or otherwise. Finally, today I have found an unexpected qualifying test.

When I first moved to Gainesville, I purchased a CRT television from a friend for a bargain. When football season ended and I got tired of the food network, I started watching Fox News. It was not so much for the tidings as it was for my curiosity to find out for myself, are these newscasters really as mental as the world claims them to be? However, in a very short while, other things came up - work got more interesting, the weather got better outside, my girlfriend moved closer and football season started again - and so I had to move Fox News out of my limited daily agenda. I had not covered enough ground with the channel to establish perfectly, the state of their madness but I knew all the same that it existed, like it exists in all forms of biased, mouthpiece news media.

Today after nearly a year and a half, I saw this interesting video posted on my facebook feed with two of my favorite keywords - secularism and economy (ok, they are not my favorite keywords but 'loldogs' and 'cheezburger' do not exactly help my social perception).

I saw this video with narrow eyebrows that arched mildly after it. I realized how my viewership (rather the lack of it) had adversely affected the already challenged intellectual quality of Fox News. This therefore, stands as solid proof that I also can claim my proud place among the ranks of more self-claimed brittle intellectuals.

Thank you Fox News. You have made me a bit smarter today.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Any publicity is good publicity.

There has been an unprecedented increase in traffic to this blog because I wrote a half-thought article that involved "hot brahmin mamis" somewhere. Every time you google that up, Inside the Blue is in your face. Now I realize why tamil movies involve these mamis so much. I have learnt a new technique and I will start employing that from today.

Key words: hot, saree, brahmin, mami, aunty, heroine, loves.

Monday, March 15, 2010

My biased perspective

I am a very faithful fan of the Florida Gators.

However I still somehow like all their rivals. I would root for the Seminoles, the Vols, the Bulldogs and the Tigers on every other game. I love their uniforms and their traditions. The one rival I dislike is the Miami Hurricanes. Bad orange uniforms and too much cockiness in the name of swagger (the U? really?). All the other rivals have more swagger than you without mentioning it. I love FSU's uniforms. I love Neyland stadium. It is bigger than anything I have seen. I love game nights at Tiger stadium. I love Georgia for being the quintessential SEC team.

I "hate" most traditional powers. That means you Ohio state, OU, USC, Notre Dame, Michigan and Alabama. You are the lot that has exploited the capitalist nature of college football over the years and will continue to do so. I do not think much of your traditions and I will always root against you even if you play each other. I hate your cocky fans. I somehow have still managed to like Texas because they have great uniforms. I like Texas' fight song and the hook'em horns sign. I hate you the most Notre Dame. For someone what has not won a bowl game in twenty years, you have way too much time, money and media focus invested on you just because you did well before the cold war started.

I hate most of the Big Ten because they marginalize a lot of money and still perform badly. You are arrogant because you have eleven members and still call yourself ten because you want to. I hate Ohio state's blinding scarlet uniforms (with grey!). I hate Michigan and its fans and hope they have another bowl-less year. Somehow despite all their acclaimed tradition some logic still does not sit with me. You are called the wolverines but have no mascot. Your slogan is not go Wolverines but go blue and thats not your mascot either! Is it because you cannot make up your mind on which yellow is yours - maize or chrome or whatever else your fans show up in? If I wanted to see all the different yellow hues in the world, I would go to Michigan stadium. Even your official site is! Awesome.

I however do like Wisconsin, Penn state and Michigan State because they are smart recruiters and do a good job with their colors. I love Wisconsin's jump around. I love the Penn state white out. Michigan state a lot less because its a traditional basketball power. I do not like it when a basketball school does well in football too. So I sometimes root against you Blue Devils, Tar Heels, Spartans, Wildcats, Bruins and a lot of the Big East. You have your seats in basketball, let football belong to some others. I like Illinois. I do not know why though. Probably because they had somebody called Juice Williams play for them.

I do not like the monopoly that is coming to the SEC. It is like the SEC is becoming the new big ten. But it still has become the peak performer in recent years and is relatively less polarized than the other big conferences (except for in 2009). I do not like the polarized Pac-10. It should have been renamed to 'USC and its minions'. I love Washington because they have the loudest stadium in football. I love Oregon state because they have the potential to beat anyone. I like the Sun Devils for some reason. I love the Bruins because of their rivalry with USC. If your home ground is the Rose Bowl, you are balling. I like Cal's logo and new uniforms. At some moments, I hate USC more than I hate religious fundamentalism. I hated you for O. J. Simpson, I hated you for your recruiting and I hated you for a thug called Rey Maualuga. Now I hate you even more for Lane Kiffin. I love your fight song though. Oregon. I don't know man. I liked Oregon in 2007 because you were an emergent power and had some nice new uniforms. And then you dropped an axe on your own toes. You have these awful new uniforms. Nobody knows what your colors are anymore. Even the day you actually wear green and yellow, it does not match what your fans show up in. You seem to have become Nike's guinea pig. They even messed with your mascot for a while. I don't know what to make of you. But a rivalry game called the Civil War is good. I root every year for the beavers though because their uniforms are relatively less gay.

I like the ACC despite Miami because of FSU and Virginia Tech. I love the blue-collar attitude of the Hokies. I love the Enter Sandman pump-up entrance. I like the seminole war chant. I would have loved Clemson if it was not for that god awful purple that they throw in with the orange. I have already shared my views on that with Divya.

I like Cincinnati's emerging program. I like Baylor's jerseys. I like Texas Tech trying to hold its own in the big 12 south. I like Iowa doing the same up north. I do not like Arizona and Oklahoma state for some odd reason. Despite the recent bad record and the easy mockery, Gamecock fans are still loyal and make a great atmosphere and for that I love South Carolina.

I like spread offenses but I like traditional-arm quarterbacks like Colt McCoy. I like it if quarterbacks run more than they throw unless it is an zone-read option play. I like big running backs like John Clay. I like catching tight-ends like Jermaine Grisham. I like tall recievers like David Nelson. I like strong linebackers like Eric Norwood. I like unconventional defensive-backs like Joe Haden. I like one-man army linemen like Ndamukong Suh.

I wish every year that a new team win the national championship though I would not mind it at all if the gators won again. This year, my secret wish is for the Boise State Broncos to win it. With 21/22 returning from a brilliant season, no less can be expected. I like all the non-BCS schools whether the perform well or not. I have a special like for Utah, TCU, Fresno State and Buffalo. I love Buffalo's colors. I love the fact that they turned down a bowl game in protest of racist college football rules.

I do not like the high end capitalist nature of college football. I like the NFL for its relatively socialist policies. I do not have a particular team to follow so I generally root for someone that has not won a superbowl before. Of the ones that have, I like the Colts because of their old-school feel.

I like my views.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Some offensive theory

Well, you start with recruiting, and the interim coaches, with help from Urban, seem to have done their best to fill holes because you cannot coach talent. What you have to do however is run an offense and defense to suit them. What I love most about Urban Meyer is that he is smart and knows what he wants. He does not recruit a top-class player who does not fit his system but is just too good a playmaker not to have (google: Russell Sheppard, LSU). Meyer even knows how to recruit a complete nobody and turn him into a complete freak (google: Joe Haden - from passing quarterback to monster cornerback).

Meyer's coaching philosophy has a clear framework. 3-4 defense with tall, agile defensive ends and athletic, powerful defensive backs. Spread offense from the shotgun formation. Excellent special teams.

Charlie Strong's pro-style 3-4 defense changes little after his departure with NFL import Teryl Austin taking on his duties. The young defense will still be loaded with heavy talent and not much should look amiss despite the personnel lost. There is not much doubt about the defensive production from the current roster.

What needs to be more addressed is changes on offense. How do you account for the loss of Tim Tebow and the still missed Percy Harvin?

Contrary to popular belief, Urban Meyer's offense is not about pure spread option. In fact it is not about spread at all. It all starts with watching tape. Meyer's offense is about exploiting the defense's weaknesses and doing that with speed. So if you block the run, the passing game will be used to spread the field out and create running lanes (google: Purdue spread). If the secondary steps closer, the run is established to create space for the recievers (google: Northwestern spread). Throw in some zone-read option for short yardage and red-zone offense and you still have a very rudimentary understanding of Meyer's spread offense.

Meyer's true genius is not because he adapted spread elements to the shotgun formation but because he can run any style of offense from the shotgun. In the 2008 SEC championship game, the gators faced a run-stuffing, physical Bama squad that was ready to defend the speed option that Meyer's team used so often that year. Instead, Meyer used a completely out of character West-coast offense for three quarters (except for he ran it out of the shotgun) and had Tebow throw accurate and short passes to the most eligible reciever within a small-window, very close to the defender and he accomplished all of this without Percy Harvin. During the 2009 Sugar Bowl, he executed a high efficiency air-raid offense, something that most critics claimed that Tebow never fit.

The point is that spread is not the focus of Urban Meyer's offense. It is simply the use of talent to exploit the defense's weakness. He just seems to like using the spread out the shotgun more often. And that is why Meyer's offense is hard to defend. You do not know how to prepare if you don't know what you will be served.

So how does Meyer use this philosophy to account for these offensive changes besides just recruiting the best?

It has always been thought that a dual-threat quarterback like Tebow forms the centrepiece of Meyer's offense. Most spread offenses could use that and certainly Meyer's was no exception. However, he still won a national championship with a pure passer in Chris Leak. What has been most consistent with Meyer's offensive schemes through the years is the feature catching tight-end. Though this has been well under the radar until recently, Cornelius Ingram and Aaron Hernandez have had a lion's share in establishing the potency of their offenses. A catching tight-end creates such size mismatches that even a short pass guarantees an additional seven yards. Meyer exploits this heavily with the spread creating one-on-one match-ups. Very little can be done to defend these size mismatches and look for Meyer to continue using a punishing tight-end in Gerald Christian.

Meyer's teams have never had a feature reciever or running back with great yardage over the season. Even the spectacular Percy Harvin never made more than 900 yards recieving or rushing in any season. This is often blamed on the fact that Tebow carries the ball so much and that, in part, is true. However the real reason is the fact that Meyer does not really look to have such a featured back or reciever. In fact, Meyer tries to spread the ball around to different players so much, everytime the ball is snapped, you have a different offense coming at you. That is why a stable of speedy athletes have been recruited every year.

So how do you run an offense with a more pure passer in Johnny Brantley? Do you become more of a passing offense? Actually you don't. You first move Chris Rainey to the slot position and use his speed and deception for big plays. Use Andre DeBose, Chris Dunkley, Deonte Thompson and Frankie Hammond Jr. with a host of others at the two other reciever positions. Use Emmanuel Moody and Mack Brown t0 establish a power running game and use Jeff Demps to turn corners and for bubble screens. Make Mike Gillislee the feature punt and kick returner. Keep using the catching tight-end on important downs. Do not lose the zone-read option. Use Demps and Rainey out of the T-formation (in the shotgun!) for a zone-read/direct snap option with Johnny Brantley running a blocking route to the slot. And finally use Brantley's feet much like how Texas uses Colt McCoy when the play breaks down, the guy can run. Do this and there will be forty points a game again.

Build an offense around the talents of the players Coach Meyer. As always.

Some thoughts about the coming year

So, one of the greatest college football players - Tim Tebow is gone. With a host of other defensive and offensive playmakers that formed the winningest class in the SEC. The Gators start a new year with a new roster and a tough schedule with LSU, FSU, Bama, Georgia, Tennessee, an improved South Carolina and USF involved. Coach Meyer's health is drawing a lot of critics to dismiss Florida's chances this year. What record would you predict for this team? 9 wins? Maybe less?

It probably does not matter. Obviously no team contends for a national championship annually. Even if a team could be a potential contender (google: Boise State), the fiscal gods have to will your presence at the championship meeting. For all other bowl teams, the week between the regular season and the bowl allotment day seems to be good enough to forget the failure to make the podium and prepare to hate a future opponent. The flawed, yet unchanging BCS system will ensure that at the end of the year, a profitably matching opponent is drawn for the gators. Win the bowl game and one is happy. The fan mindset can change much quicker than most people think. Fans of the Michigan Wolverines - the winningest team in the history of the game - may possibly get a chance to celebrate bowl eigibility and I guarantee you, they will celebrate it like they have never made a bowl game. So what would determine a general satisfaction quotient with any current team?

Answer - respect. You get that with a 6-6 season, you are thrilled. However, since sport allows for show of undiluted, primitive hate and love, getting respect can be tricky business. The 2008 7-6 Vanderbilt team definitely got more respect than a more talented 2009 13-1 Florida team that went through its regular season unbeaten. Wins in big games can earn some love but what fans like most is drama, charisma and good, old-fashioned razzle-dazzle to keep them happy. That is probably why, despite just a single loss to the eventual national champion, the Gators look so ordinary all season.

So does Urban Meyer need to win a national championship again this year to bring it all back? Actually no, that would increase the hate for the Gators. What Urban would have to do is win against the biggies - Alabama and LSU and let slip a couple of losses to a good team like Georgia or South Carolina. And win the bowl game. Somehow, that does wonders for the off-season and builds up for an exciting and media-loved following year. Losing to a good team is easy but how do you beat the defending champions on their home-field? How do you account for the loss of so many stars and the one and only Tim Tebow? Next post.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Four idiots

Essentially my blog has and audience of two people. The first one is my girlfriend who has been blackmailed to read my posts and the second one is me; to see if the blog shows up on google if I keep visiting it. However, an unexpectedly pleasant surprise came from pious St. Gregorious who not only visited but left an azure note that I am obliged to share in a separate post.

"Established in 1997, St. Gregorious Edu-Guidance is a leading education consultancy services providing exemplary service to students all over India. We deal in Admissions to all major professional courses in Premier Institutes across India. We are your one step solution for all career related needs, it may be MD, MBBS BE, BTech (ALL BRANCHES), , MDS, BDS, BPharm, BArch, MBA, MTech, MS, , PhD or any other courses. We provide personalized career solutions on an individual basis keeping in mind the aspirations of our client as well as the affordability factor.
St. Gregorious Edu-Guidance,
#2, 2nd Floor,
J J Complex, Above Chemmannur Jewellers,
Marthahalli - P O,
Bangalore - 560037
Contact: +91 9448516637
+91 9886089896, +91 9449009983
080-32416570, 41719562



Dear St. Gregorious

I take great delight in knowing of your "dealership" in admissions to premier institutes across India. If only you had contacted me when I was an indian student, I would have loved to talk to you over tea on your exemplary service directed-goals, your equation of careers, aspirations and education into a single, affordable snack and your "" site. It would have been interesting to know where you purchased the life that you have from . If I was looking for a place to trade my naive enthusiasm for cunning, I wish I had heard from you. Alas, it is too late now, for I have doomed myself with an education purpose that only helps me learn, understand and think better. My career aspirations have also somehow settled for school teacher jobs that may not require your established services. I therefore request you to direct back your energies towards a glorious future of a half-educated India. With careers.

best wishes


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Friday, February 12, 2010

Top ten overrepresented stereotypes in tamil cinema

Note: The author unapologetically refuses to include the larger than life, law of mass action hero. This stereotype made for some engaging unintentional humor for a short while but was so crassly overdone that a certain degree of hate has replaced the author's past opinion on the character.

Some stereotype characters that you will see in every tamil flick and nowhere else.

10. The "black" sidekick.
As a nod to the important tamil virtue of skin color, this character is used to add some dravidian diversity (varieties: light dark brown, medium dark brown, dark dark brown) to the pot. Essentially, his role is to just stand next to the hero so that the latter is made appealing to skin-color"ist" masses. As an aid to the slow-on-the-uptake audience, he bears liberally awarded titles that describe the level of his tan. He is often also used in side-plots to stimulate mass fantasies in conjugation with light-skinned soft-porn stars and caucasian extras. This seems to be a social service-driven move to ensure that the rich tamil culture in skin color obsession is never lost. Possibly represents a subtle tamil perspective on sci-fi eugenic cold wars.
Defining dialogue: "Enakku enna korachal?!"

9. The policeman and the rowdy
Do not be confused, they are both the same character. A bad policeman is a good rowdy. They essentially have to be evil incarnate, eat huge chicken thighs, spread rowdy "ism" (a widely accepted tamil twist) and spit at the camera when they yell loudly in animated crests and troughs. These characters are highly sought after for their testosterone charged encounters with the hero. These are the only guys with the balls to swear properly on screen (whereas the cowardly hero just makes poorly veiled allusions) and for that, they are badass.
Defining dialogue: "naan adicha nee sethuruva"

8. The rapist
This fellow is so identical to the hero that the movie-makers labelled him with a well-developed benign mole on the cheek to tell him apart. The hero can run after the heroine, pull at her saree, rub her underbelly and generally molest her in public because it is all done in synchronization with a song. However Lord rapist has no such luck with the music director and therefore dude, it is not cool. This otherwise equally sick bastard hence resorts to other means of ensuring regular satisfaction of his libido. Since he never gets the heroine, he settles for stereotype number 4. It has been observed that he is religiously bound to conduct the raping ritual only at the prime impregnating state of number 4's monthly cycle. As a positive he is always born to an encouraging father rapist who bequeaths to him plenty of rape money.
Defining dialogue: "Panchayat ku 500 rooba aparadham kattu. Illa na indha ponna kattu"

7. The foreigner
Let us be clear on this, the dictionary meaning of foreigner is white-skinned and preferably blonde-haired. The thespian qualities (and other important qualities that tamil audiences like) of this stereotype have been so good that this character has been promoted from song-sequence bystander to minor but essential fifteen-second character roles that demand method acting. At the core of the demand is the ability to speak tamil fluently but in a foreign accent that does not belong to any country that homes caucasians. Despite the high qualifications, many foreign achievers have successfully performed and impressed critics enough to allow the development of their own little guild that strives for the better cognizance of foreigners (still the same dictionary meaning wokay?) in India.
Defining dialogue: "karuppu dhan enku podichu color"

6. The brahmin mami
The brahmin mami may seem like a wholesome, kindhearted, chaste wife but do not let the description fool you, appearances do not deceive. She was once that youthful brahmin hottie that spoke in that stupid dialect in a cute way and showed up in dream song sequences in spaghetti tops and torn minis. Though she is a bit older, the hero still fantasizes about her and uses her daughter - the heroine to get to her. Maybe it is because she keeps offering hot coffee to everyone. She has brought sexy back to the saree with her daily use of the 9-yard madisar. More cultured societies refer to her as milf.
Defining dialogue: "saaptutu eppadi iruku nu sollu da ambi"

5. The bystander
The stereotype that most critics pay attention to. The bystander is a talented actor that is carefully taught to emote and react correctly (personally by the director and sometimes by celebrity bystanders that visit the set at lunch times) to the main characters of the scene. Since there is such a vast variety in the scenes and acts created in a tamil movie, these characters are specialists and one can gauge their quality by the level of their overacting. Bystanders perform over a dozen roles in a single movie but it is the technical excellence of a tamil movie that audiences do not notice it. One cannot say enough about the importance of a bystander to a movie and mankind as a whole.
Defining dialogue: "enna koduma saar idhu"

4. The sister
The innocence, the smile, the affection and the melodrama are all ploys to craftily disguise this suppressed nymphomaniac. Since the hero will cut off every tongue that calls her by such names, we will just call her Kannagi. Miss Kannagi is every bit of the All-Tamil (a not so widely accepted tamil twist) woman that all heroes demand that the heroine be...except for during a dream song-sequence. Miss K satisfies her nympho desires by luring young rapists (number 9) into a successful rape event after which she carefully plays everyone around her so she can be married off to Lord rapist. Turns out that the sure-shot impregnation of Miss K after the event is not a result of the rapist's instinct but her smart play. Thereafter, she lives the life of a real Kannagi and does not object to his affairs with other women so long as he returns home at some point so she can enjoy serving him food and beer before getting beaten up.
Defining dialogue: some innovative play of words with the word karpu inserted somewhere.

3. The brahmin mama.

The caste-obsessed mama is a honorable samaritan in mid-life crisis. Worn and tired by drinking mami's hot coffee, he is now content with a life devout to social discrimination. It is speculated that this character was created as an evil plot by the 3% majority brahmin population of Tamil Nadu to aid in the formation of a brahmin caste political party after MGR's grand success; however no such party has been formed yet to reward these committed attempts. In fact, the plan may have backfired as the otherwise docile features of the mama have endeared him as the punching-bag of choice for non-brahmin elements. But not all hope is lost yet. The manusmruti shall prevail some day. ha ha. muhahahahahahahaha.
Defining dialogue: "naeku inda sambandam vendam"

2.The seth-boy
The ultimate archenemy. The rapist will be tortured by your sister for life, the rowdy and the policeman will shoot each other and the mama will die of STDs, but you have to personally see this guy off because he has the skin tone you want. They force you to learn hindi. They monopolize the rest of India. The occupied north Madras. The raging fire of the oppression of the tamil people because it has been geographically pushed to the rockbottom of India will be avenged through him.
Defining dialogue: "tamilan bolo"

1. The heroine (degree: import from north India)
Number one on the list because she is most eloquent, talented and shapely one of the lot. Caters to the tamil male need for flesh and flab at the same time. Best when they dub for themselves. They are the prize one gets if a victory is achieved against the seth-boy. Serve the huge social purpose of reassuring tamil youth that they will get laid by an individual of aryan descent no matter how much they lack education, manners or both.
Defining dialogue: "choli ke peeche kya hai"

From a past fan

What have you become Rehman?

Wednesday, February 03, 2010


After reading this article I am inspired to misinterpret, over-interpret and retain biased views on any form of social message conveyance, provided it comes from someone else. Yes, it is easy to criticize and that can actually make you head pin-pricker on a 24-hour news channel. You may be hated but you will be watched. And you can afford trendy hairstyles.
To start off this practice that will take me to journalism utopia, I will attempt to review the very same article with limited brainwork, meagre respect and complete bias to methi mutter malai.
Will all due respect to dearest Sagarika Ghose (I admire her so much, I deliver bouquets at her door with get well soon crazy ‘bout you notes), this article must have been written for a nation of not just idiots but also cinema crazy buffoons that have shaved their hair and smashed their heads against a barbed wire pole to develop anterograde amnesia. So the story opens where Mrs. Ghose was dragged to a cinema hall showcasing the lowly production – 3 idiots, to watch it with village peasants who watched the movie enthralled like it was a steamy sleaze flick….
Ok I can’t write like her. FAIL.
But I can still draw conclusions like her, that’s the easiest thing to do.
· To refuse to cram is to embrace mindlessness
· To want a good life by following a professional line that one will be most devout to is to rescind a culture of education and thoughtfulness.
· The fact that there are an excess of engineering colleges with no students and hardly enough medical schools has nothing to do with the lack of medical degree holders.
· Unless you are “using your brains, and thought, and intellect” to get into a competitive medical school or engineering school you have become a culture demon
· ‘3 idiots’ is way too preachy and Mrs. Sagarika Ghose is not. With all do respect of course. I love your little tv show.
· Quite clearly Mrs. Ghose has been privileged to attend ‘The University of the Gods’ that everyone else, especially the ones in competitive universities well within Indian borders aspire for and hence the movie…
· Mrs. Ghose has trivialized Laplace transforms, Fourier transforms, Z transforms and Optimus Prime by using the word transforms in her article to mock a movie.
· Basically, to hope for a university environment with teachers that speak beyond just books and teach with integrity, with absence of peer and parental pressure, with focus on what you learn rather than what job you end up in, with no news of a classmate who committed suicide over grades is to engage in escapist fantasy. All thanks to some silly fiction where a bunch of kids delivered a baby with a vacuum cleaner.
My final and most lasting conclusion
In the pursuit of mental reform we cannot allow standards of excellence to be lowered. Somebody shoot that woman.

- Bloody Idiot